My Last Days of Silence | J.JK

07: Overcome my fear

19 days left.

It was an early Friday morning, the last of those in March that I would experience. I was in a hospital bed, waiting for the doctor to come give some information about my blood tests. To be honest, I didn't listen what the doctor told me and my parents earlier. I was dying anyways, blood tests seemed useless and I didn't even bother to know what they were for. Maybe to see if I was able to live for longer than estimated, but to be honest I didn't even know if I wanted to.

I would describe waiting to die as torture.

If they would've told me I might live for a few days longer, or maybe weeks, I'd spend them all just waiting for the day to come. I imagined it as a nightmare, going to bed every single night, knowing I might not wake up the next.

Even though the doctors gave me an approximate date that might not be the day, I didn't go to bed yet fearing to sleep in. I just didn't feel ill enough to die, I thought. But if I had to go to bed every night, feeling ill, feeling like I was going to die, but waking up the following day to yet another nightmare? I preferred to avoid that.

The week had gone by frighteningly fast. Jungkook had mostly been busy with work and I had spent a lot of time with my family, which resulted in my to-do list being put on hold.

Actually I hadn't seen Jungkook since Tuesday, which felt weird. We had talked over the phone and texted, but I missed seeing him. It was rare we didn't see each other for almost 3 full days.

As said, I had spent a lot time doing activities with my parents during the past week. They'd scheduled a surprising amount of things to do. We'd gone to the movies, which we hadn't all together in a long time. They had arranged a game night which went on for almost the whole day. The exhaustion from the previous day, resulted in me to oversleep the next day and my parents had to use their extra key to storm into my apartment and wake me up. When they realized that I had simply overslept, I could easily tell the relief coursing through them and the thoughts that had scared them. When woke up we had went on a day trip to Busan, visiting some of our family.

To summon up the week, it had been quite eventful and really exhausting - in a good way.

The most memorable thing had been the game night. I had arrived at my parents' house at around noon. Then they took me to a nearby park where we played game of kings outside. My father was very competitive, leaving him to sulk when he lost against my mother and I. On the way home we got ice cream and as we got home, we continued with board games indoors. My parents had even found a 1000 piece puzzle from when I was younger. I used to love puzzles, appreciating the calm moment of piecing things together. This time though, it was a bit less calming as my father possessed a great amount of impatience and my mother kept nagging that we had to eat dinner soon - we never got to finish it.

But it made me happy anyway. I was grateful for the time we'd spent as a family the past week. It had been long since we did such normal family things together, considering I wasn't living at home anymore and I had university to focus on.

But the little voice in the back of my head wouldn't stop reminding me of every little negative thing.

My parents had taken the week off work to spend time with me. 

They'd planned these things because they had to make use of the time we had left.

They'd even made dinner to me every day, even though I was at my own place for the evening.

They behaved so unlike before.

And it all reminded me why they behaved differently.

A text suddenly lit up on my screen, grabbing my attention from my stare out the window.