Lillian's Deceit

26. The dance.

chapter 26.

Lillian dressed for the Baizen's ball. She wished she could beg off the engagement tonight and stay home. But the entertainment was being thrown in her honour--- Hers and Evan's--- so there was no escpae.

Cynthia slipped a beautiful gown of dark satin with an overskirt of white dotted swiss gauze over Lillians head. The dress was low cut and off-the-shoulder for the evening. And it was a simple task to fasten the gown in place. Then it was on to her hair.

She sat at her dressing table, let her maid brush and arrange her long tresses. She stared at her own reflection in the mirror, studied her eyes and wondered if anyone else could see the unhappiness brimming within them.

And alot of it had to do with Evan ever since his return from London, he'd been withdrawn. Abrupt, taciturn, humorless. She couldn't imagine what might have happened, had it been about the talk from his grandmother? of his poltical pursuits? was he worried she would be displeased?

It couldn't be that. But Lillian even questioned the servants discreetly, of course including Wilcox, his valet. Yet none of them was able to provide so much clue.

After his ghastly first morning back, she'd been reluctant to question Evan directly. Finally she'd gathered her nerve and asked him why he was so troubled

Eyes cold, he denied any such condition, rebuffing her and her inquiries. Wounded, Lillian hadn't asked again.

Neither had she asked why he no longer came to her bed. They hadn't slept together or made love since he'd left for London. She feared to hear his reason, could it be possible he didn't find her attractive no longer? got tired of her? after all he spent his time at a club she recalled when she asked where he were when he hadn't came home for the night.

While she had no right to feel displeased about that since it would have made everything easier for her and when she came to leave him

it still stung.

And she had more reasons to believe it when he spent more time without her, wheter it was taking john for horseriding or working, he seemed to be occupied all the time. And while Lillian knew he was an earl and a man with responsibilites she also knew he was different from before. It seemed like he hated her, couldn't stand to be in the same room as her, when she was in he was out.

And god how much it hurt.

But wasn't she a worse person? Hiding her own identity? playing someone she was not? wouldn't he hate her once he found out?. She wanted desperately to tell him, but she had to bite her tongue remembering her sisters words,

once she recieved another letter from her sister she would tell Evan, once and for all.

"My lady, would you like to wear your new necklace? The one Lord Hartwick gave you?" Cynthia inquired, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked at the reflection of Cynthia standing behind the mirror.

"Ooh, isn't it lovely?", the maid continued, holding up the exquisite piece "It will be a perfect finish to your gown"

She stared at the sapphire necklace, reluctant to put it on. She'd loved it so at first. But Evan's curt, impersonal explanation for its purchase had dampened her pleasure like a faceful of icy water. Perhaps he might feel pride in seeing the newest of the family jewels gracing her neck. Maybe it would bring a small glint of pleasure back into his eyes. Eyes that no longer seemed to shine. At least not for her.

She nodded permission, the stones cool against her throat as they were fastened into plae. She studied her reflection one final time and knew, without a doubt that she looked resplendent, every inch the countess of Essex. Silently, she hoped Evan would find her beautiful and desirable.