you're all i want | t.n, d.m

36

THEODORE - June 2006

Seeing my Celeste so sad is killing me.

There is nothing I can do to take her pain away.

She hasn't smiled in a week. Hasn't spoken about what she truly feels. Hasn't agreed to let Dean or Draco or Astoria or even her own brother visit.

It's as though she is here physically but mentally she is lost — daydreaming about how her life could have been if she were okay. How exhilarating it would be to have a human being grow inside her womb. How thrilling it would be to live without worrying about tomorrow.

It's killing me, that I can't take her pain away. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat.

She keeps telling me she is fine — she has been doing this for weeks. I know she isn't. Her body is giving up on her. Her heart is shattering. Her mind is clouded. And fuck, does it hurt seeing her like this.

She is sleeping right now. She has been sleeping a lot because it is the only way for her to get away from reality.

I sit at the counter of the café, sounds of chatter and different scents seeming so distant that I feel like being in a world alone. I think about the way Celeste looked absolutely peaceful whilst sleeping earlier despite the small crease between her brows. How her breathing seemed calmed and steady. How she was curled into a ball with her left hand placed next to her heart, the moonstone of her ring shining through the dimly lit room.

"Theo?" A voice echoes whilst someone waves their hand in front of my eyes.

I blink, suddenly coming back to reality. I meet with Deans's dark eyes filled with concern and apprehension.

"Sorry," I croak, rubbing a hand over my face. I sigh heavily, the churning in my stomach becoming too uncomfortable for my liking. "What were you saying?"

Dean walks around the counter to take a seat beside me on a stool. The café is empty except for a couple sitting by a window, teasing each other and stealing fruits from each other's plates. Their banter has managed to make me smile earlier when they came in.

He faces me, arms crossed over his chest. A crease is evident in between his brows as he frowns worriedly at me. "Are you okay, mate?"

"Not really, no." My voice comes out as a small whisper.

I can't pretend I'm fine, because I am not.

Propping both elbows on the counter, I run my fingers through my curls. I swallow the lump inside my throat, aware of Dean's intense gaze upon me.

"I just—" I pause to breathe. " I don't know what to do. It's so fucking hard to see her so distressed and sad and— There is nothing I can do to make her feel better. I can only be there for her, listen to her. I— Man, I just want her to be happy. She doesn't deserve any of this, and it's all my—"

"Woah," Dean presses whilst putting his hand on my shoulder. "Don't you dare say it's your fault."

Tears brim my vision and I blink to make them go away. I clench my jaw, exhaling frustratingly. "I did everything I could to find a cure. It should have worked."

He swallows the lump inside his throat. His voice cracks, "You should know that she is eternally grateful for everything you've done for her. You saved her, Theo." He offers me a half-smile and my eyes burn with a threat of unstoppable tears. "In every possible way, you have saved her. And maybe she didn't need a saviour but she will always love you for catching her at her most vulnerable times."

The lump in my throat grows thicker, "I shouldn't have left when we graduated—"

"Don't start regretting something that happened in the past," he begs. "We— I hate to say this, but we don't know how much time she has left, so maybe you should go and spend some time with her, yes?"