Ming

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I was so screwed. Did I be all jealous and snarky with Pha for no reason? Fuck and I can see the look on his face. He looks like he will never let it rest.

I kept quiet throughout the entire car ride back. Pha didn't say anything either but I know his eyes were on me. He sent me back to my dorm. I went in and turned around. He was still at the door.

"P, aren't you coming in?"

Pha just stared at me. I looked at him. I sighed softly.

"Pha... aren't you coming in?"

Pha smiled this time and came in. I chuckled softly as to how silly Pha can be. He closed the door and turned to me. He pulled me towards him suddenly! I was stunned.

"Now tell me. Why are you behaving cold towards me? What did I do wrong? Did I read us wrongly?"

"Us? There is no...what you saying..  I don't.. "

"Before you say there is no us, I want you to think carefully and tell me again. Are you sure? If you say there isn't, I wouldn't pursue this again."

I looked at Pha stunned. I kept quiet, deliberating wanting to tell him the truth and my feelings or holding myself back. He didn't mean us by us right? Like dating us? Should I ask? But he's so perfect. Why would he want to date me? If anything, he would prefer Suthee.

I looked at him and I uttered again, "What us? There isn't an us Pha. We are just friends."

"Friends? Just... friends? That's..how.. you see...us?"

I heard Pha stutter. I hadn't heard him stutter in ages around  me anymore. I looked up worried and knew I had messed it up.

"Pha.."

"P...I'm P..I....am..going..rest well."

Pha then opened the door and left. Shit. I ran out after him and caught up with him at his car.

"Pha! Stop. Look. I didn't.. what I wanted to say..why i.."

Pha silenced me with his teary eyes. He looked at me for a full minute before turning away.

"Thank you for putting....it into perspective. I guess I had been.... in my own world for a while. I have woken up now. I behave.....accordingly Ming. Take care...."

My heart lurched as Pha wanted to get into his car. I held onto his hand desperately and he took it off calmly, but not turning to look at me at all.

I watched as his car went off and that's when I finally broke down, knowing that I had messed up this "relationship" with Pha and sunk it even before it took off. Did we really have to put it in words to know we liked each other?

Did I really just let my insecurities get the better of me? I should have just spoken about it with him. I know he wouldn't have judged me. If anything, Pha would have reassured me. I just completely blew this.

Pha. Forgive me please..  I prayed inwardly as I sat there, sobbing.

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