Pretty Boy In Love

|16| Confessions Galore

"I know about Cullen."

Maybe it's the fact that I'm hearing my father's voice for the first time in months or maybe it's him mentioning the name of my ex-boyfriend, to whom I have betrayed deeply, I press the red "end" button.

I feel Noah's steady presence behind me as I block my own father from ever calling or texting me again. I remind myself to do the same for Rosie and mom, both for my benefit and theirs. Especially mom, who has yet to find out about where I was for all those hours months ago and why Cullen's family left so abruptly.

"Jules, you're scaring me." Noah's voice is wavering more than when he was telling me about Nikki and his parents.

I'm scaring him. How long have I been absently staring at my phone? Quickly, I bop my head up. I would have bumped it against his light stubble if he didn't take a step backward just in time. He was still close enough for me to see his so blue eyes and every stress line on his face. Having me in his life probably adds a few dozen. And more will come if I have a relapse of what happened with Cullen.

I can't do that to him. I care too much about this boy.

It's different from Cullen and I. I thought we were in love. We dated for just over a year and it was a year wasted. I actually believed that he wouldn't leave me for anything, but he did. True, it was mostly on me, but him leaving still caused me a great deal of pain. With Noah, it feels like a new beginning, a new chance.

But, a chance I don't deserve.

Not if it means risking the little happiness Noah has left. I'm no hero, but an average girl can figure out where she doesn't belong.

Noah should have someone who hasn't made so many mistakes that he'll have to be burdened with. It was already difficult to imagine how someone like Noah Wilde could ever give me a second glance, but not as hard as it would be to see him cry because of me. I have to end this before it begins.

I take a large step backwards, leg brushing up against his couch. Tucking my phone in the waistband of my leggings, I give him a look that I hope is apologetic. "I have to go. I'm- starting... feminine issues."

Years of experience has taught me that whenever men hear the words "feminine issues", they tend to back off.

To my surprise, Noah doesn't. Instead, he's stepping closer with a look of disbelief on his face. "What did your dad have to say, Juliet?" He's coaxing me to tell him and boy, do I want to. It's almost a need. Thankfully, I shake it off before my mouth can act before consulting my brain.

"Nothing. He called by accident." I try to neutralize the expression on my face to the point where he can't read it. I think I've done this so many times after the Cullen thing and my parents' divorce that I can put it on without sucking in. "I should go, though. I wasn't even supposed to stay this long."

"Okay, but at least let me go brush my teeth so I can kiss you goodbye?"

The thought of the two of us kissing digs a hole at my core, but also reminds me of how much it can't happen.

Through gritted teeth, I smile. I crack a full hand of knuckles when I pass by him, shaking my head with true amusement. This boy will be the death of me. "Not today, buddy." Not any day.

He follows me down his hall, which I am navigating through quite well for my first time being here. Begrudgingly, my feet slide themselves down the first step of the stairs. It's as though my whole body is against me leaving, except my heart, who knows this has to be done. Before I can get down another step, Noah's warm hand wraps around my wrist.