Broken soul. (A fanfic starring Adar from the 'rings of power')

5

ADAR

Since he arrived at Eilith's home, things had been different from what he had always known, at least what he could remember.
He felt as if he was in a dream like state. As if in a bubble, somewhere detached from the real world. It was as if he was intoxicated, he felt like he never wanted to wake up, at least not yet. He knew eventually he would have to go and find his children and take care of them but for now, he just wanted to waft on..
at first he had planned to overthrow hersomehow, maybe even kill her. He had never thought about his actions much, he'd always been driven by survival, his own and than later that of his children but now, he was confused, who was he? Here in Eilith's home he was her marionette in a way, at first he had hated the fact but soon this had taken on another side. It was almost as if she nursed a deep deep longing, a longing to be hold, nursed and nurtured. Every kind gesture, gentle word and especially touch was like liquid gold, running down the parched path to his heart and by doing so bringing it to life. Right now he had no will to fight against it. For now he wanted her to feed him, wash him, read to him, sing and whatever else she thought of. Maybe one day ge would come to a point when that part of his needs was filled but for now, there was still plenty of need..

When Gil-Galad turned up, he couldn't believe it. Gil-Galad had gotten away, the rest of them not, they had been taken, twisted and turned. Seeing Gil-Galad well and with Eilith brought back the full reality of live, his live in particular. Was she his lover, it made him sick with hatred and jealousy.
But, no, she was still innocent, it, the bubble was still there, not as untouchable as before but it was still there and now it was manifesting into something maybe more than just a bubble.
He had not meant to say that 'nothing would stop him from having her', he had meant it in a physical way, but maybe he should have phrased it differently. Maybe he should have said nothing would stop him from being with her. The very thought as it occurred, of being with her as a man, lying with her, suddenly felt like the pinnacle of intoxication. He hadn't thought of it until now but when Gil-Galad had left and she had told him that she had no feelings for him and he felt by the way she spoke, that she even had resentment for Gil-Galad, it became red hot this desire, maybe even more so because he couldn't have her.

But than she said, "Even if I didn't love you?" There it was, once again the cold hand of reality, of course she didn't love him. His thoughts, his phantasies were entirely grotesque.
He thought about it some more, before he wouldn't have thought about it, if he wanted her he would have just had her. What she wanted wouldn't have even crossed his mind but now... he looked at her, her beautiful face, so unharmed, so full of kindness and maybe there was even more there? That which he thought to see in her eyes, now and every so often, when she was with him lately, sparked a tiny flicker of hope. He knew hope was treacherous but he wanted to hold it just for a while. Even though he would probably fall back into the deep pit of his bleak existence, without actual love afterwards. He wanted to drink this sweet milk until  the last drop.

"No," he said with conviction, he could no longer harm her! As a matter of fact, he would probably do everything in his power to protect her!

He could see the happy reaction this caused. For a while longer they looked into each others eyes.

Than she got up, "I'd like to go to bed," she exclaimed. This meant that he had to go to bed too but he didn't mind. Anything, whatever.

He came to it lying on his makeshift bed with her leaning over him, she was kneeling in front of him, looking troubled in a way. She lifted her hand and gently stroked his cheek.

"I'm so sorry for having to keep you tied up. Really it is my utter wish to set you free!" Than she left. He closed his eyes and than he felt a sensation he could heartily remember. A single tear run down his cheek. He marveled at the sensation of it. Than he wispered. "But you are setting me free...!"

EILITH

Over the next following days he started to ask her questions. About her life and also about Gil-Galad. Eventually he told her about the greatest wrong that had happened to him. How he and some of his friends, all except Gil-Galad had been captured when they where still children, had been tortured until compliant. It broke her heart and while he talked she couldn't help it, she cried for the child that had been broken to become an evil pawn in an even greater evil plan.

When he had finished he said: "Will you come here to me?" She came to sit in front of him.

He looked at her intently. "Please Eilith, loosen one of my hands."

She contemplated. She wanted to believe he would not harm her or try to escape. She also wanted to show him that she was giving him a chance. So she nodded and untied him. At first he stretched his arm a bit and flext his hand. Than he moved forward and wiped the tears of her face.

Gently he stroked her cheek.
"So soft," he wispered. She leaned against his hand and he held still.

"Now you can tie me up again, " he said.

She stared at him. He didn't hurt her, he didn't take advantage. She tied his hand back. This had been a test and he had passed. There was still caution there though because she had only known him for maybe three weeks, so she still really didn't know him that well and he had a badly damaged soul and so he could still act out of survival. She hoped that he had developed a little trust towards her by now.

A few days later it was a wonderful,  sunny day outside, the air was filled with a kind spring warmth. Some of the trees in her garden where covered in blossoms. It felt like  a day full of promises.

Eilith decided to take a step of faith! After she and Adar had shared a breakfast she said: " Adar, it is a beautiful day outside I want you to enjoy it with me."

She went to get some more rope than she tied him to herself and loosened all his other ropes. She did however hold on to her staff should he make a wrong move, she would stun him.

"Come," she said, "I'll show you my gardens."

He walked awkwardly stiff. He hadn't had any real movement since he had arrived.

He stepped into the sunlight and came to a standstill. He closed his eyes and almost smiled. Eilith was a little edgy, she desperately didn't want him to make her doubt her decision. She wanted him to be able to move about, it must be really hard to just sit or lie the whole time. She would have gone mad, restless, extremely edgy.

"Thank you," he said and offered her his hand. She reached him her hand that wasn't holding the staff. Together they started to walk through the garden. It was nice to hold his hand. After a while he suddenly stood still. He moved fast and a moment later she was in his arms. He pressed her body against his, it feld to her as if he wanted to crush her but it was simply the intensity with which he huged her. She was just as desperate to hold him. So she just let go, she wanted to trust him anyways!

"What have you done with me," he wispered into her ear. "All I want to be and do is, to be worthy of you!"