Broken soul. (A fanfic starring Adar from the 'rings of power')

20

EILITH

After the encounter with Gil-Galad, they first returned to the camp, where Adar told her that he wished for her to stay with him. So Eilith moved into his tend. It wasn't the most luxurious place at the contrary but it was an upgrade from sleeping outside and anyways, as long as she could be with Adar! Although, now that it was summer, the nights where actually quite beautiful and she had enjoyed being able to look up into the stars. In the earlier days it had of course often been cold and in the spring there had been a lot of rain and lately of course, their nights had turned to day and visa versa.

 It had been a rather hot day so far and Eilith was still far to ruffled to go to sleep, all of the excitement... she realized a cool dip in the lake would be a good way to cool of.

 She hadn't been sure if Adar wanted to go or if he even could go, knowing that he had to be in charge of the orcs but when she told him about her plans, he was very eager to come along. Eilith decided to take Raghnall. Naturally she would have let Adar take the reins but because Raghnall didn't really know him, it had to be her. It felt nice having Adar sit behind her, his presence so close and his arms around her. So much had happened again! 

They found a small area were the access to the lake was granted. It was a little pebbly but to Eilith it was a small piece of paradise. The sun was shining, the sky was bright blue and the lake glistened in the sun. She had taken some of the soap along that Bronwyn had gifted her. Whilst getting undressed Adar asked her, if she could wash him once again as she had done in the days when he had first come to her. This request seemed strange to her but she obliged. She cast the floating spell over him but didn't render him unconscious this time. It was different washing him now and yet it also reminded her of the first time she washed him. He had been a stranger than, with a dark and dangerous past but even than, she washed him with gentle care, seeing that this elf, this body had suffered many injuries. Not accidental injuries but inflicted. She remembered how her heart had ached than but washing him now, she could have cried, her heart bleeding for the elf she had come to love and who must have endured so much. So every inch she washed not only with water and soap but also with love. He had closed his eyes and while Eilith washed him, tears trickled down his cheeks and Eilith realised, that by washing him, as well as the feeding in the earlier days, he was addressing the needs of his inner child. 

At first she avoided washing his privat parts, saved it until last, being a little shy about it. Eventually she decided to go for it. This on the contrary seemed to address the grown up elf... his body reacted and the washing was over... He came alive, so Eilith took away the floating spell. His eyes were shining now, hungrily he kissed her. 

"You work wonders with my body," he whispered into her ear and there was a little cheek in his voice. Making love in the water was wonderful and with the release of their passion, the tension of the war, the death of Lethauri and the emotional encounter with Gil-Galad eased away.

 Afterwards they stayed in the water holding each other tiddly.

"You know Eilith, when I first came to you, I hated you washing me and feeding me, it was most humiliating. I had no choice, was totally at your mercy and couldn't do anything to stop you. I have been in that situation many times before but than I have been mistreated, exploited, hurt... I felt that once again I was a pawn, a toy used in whatever way my puppet master wanted to. After a while though, I realised that being at your mercy was completely different. You turned my defencelessness around. You showed me kindness, gentleness, care... and the 'being at your  mercy', was no longer a bad thing, on the contrary, instead of stripping me naked, you seemed to clothe me. Your gentle touch, seemed to heal the wounds on the outside of my body and your compassion seemed to heal the wounds on the inside of my body and in the end I felt, as if I was wearing a new garment, made entirely out of love, white and clean. This is unfortunately a fallen world and I had to go right back into it, but I know that the white garment is now in my possession and on occasions I can wear it. Thank you for all you have done to me!" 

These words moved her heart so very much. She wanted to hold him tighter, wanted to tell him that he was safe with her but although her intentions were as such, she couldn't promise him, how could she know what the future would bring. So instead she exclaimed:

"You have set me free too, I was a prisoner of my own fears and I was too compliant to break out of the golden cage. The door was half open really but I needed you to lead me out of it. So you see I needed you also. And by the way, I hated the fact that I had to keep you prisoner!" She paused for a while.."but after what you have said now, I guess it was good as it was. So I can forgive myself for having treated you the way I have?" 

  "Yes, you must certainly forgive yourself because really it had to be!" He kissed her, than he yawned. "I suggest we try and find some sleep. In the coming days we have much to discuss."

Instead of riding back, they decided to sleep by the lakeside, in each others arms. The orcs would be alright for one night.

In the middle of the night Eilith woke up, something was bothering her. She went to look over the lake. The moon was shining onto it's surface and all seemed fine.. but something was definitiv trying to get her attention? For no apparent reason, her hand went to her little pouch she wore around her waist at all times, containing all sorts of useful things. Suddenly she remembered the ring! Carefully she took it out, remembering how it had burned her. Again it felt like it was so hot, it wanted to burn her but as it wasn't physically burning her and it only seemed to, she forced herself to hold it, so she could look at it. There was that menacing evil again! How could such a small object, actually so beautiful, emit such an evil. This ring should definitiv not be in anybody's possession, she thought and with that she hurled it far across the water and there it disappeared into the depths of the lake. 

ADAR

In the coming days he and Eilith spend much time together, often living into the day, as both of them longed to be in the light again. Eilith asked him one day about his children and by then she had picked up that the Uruks, he had been traveling with, were his actual children. This was one of the great evils of Morgoth really, he had made them lie with troll females. Thankfully they had been drugged each time, so the shame of it hadn't been as excruciating. Again and again they had to oblige, because Morgoth wanted a great army, Adar eventually grew numb to this, no longer caring. The children born were more agile and smarter than Trolls, due to their elven heritage but still not intelligent enough, to realised they were being exploited. He hated thinking about this because the shame of it made him feel dirty and because the fate of his children mattered to him. 

Thankfully the past didn't effect his coming together with Eilith, everything was different about it! Of course Eilith reacted kindly to these tales, scolding only the cruelty of Morgoth.  

They were also contemplating the fact that they both longed to live in the day but that of course Uruks couldn't. If only there was a place where his children could live away from the sun! 

It was than that Eilith remembered that the Dwarfs she had met, had been living in the mountain and that there was another mountain with a great system of tunnels and halls, only, it was said that there lived a mighty dragon. Eilith told Adar about this. The setting would be ideal really but the fact that there was a great dragon to conquer first, was a little disconcerting. Adar was willing to try anyways, his children needed a home! So together they travelled until they had reached the bottom of the mountain. Here they set up camp. He would only go with Eilith to explore the caves because he feared, that his children would be to loud and clumsy and possibly wake the dragon. His orders were clear. His children had to stay behind, also they had clear instructions to stay on their side of the valley so as not to disturb the Dwarfs. It was possible that they might feel uneasy about their new neighbours but once they would live inside the mountain there wouldn't be much disturbance. 

The best case would be, that there was no actual dragon and it was all just a myth, worst case...He didn't want to linger on that. Eilith had marked the spot where she had spend the night with Raghnall. So the entrance was easily found, together with Eilith he entered.