crush | verkwan

entry 14

TW // SUICIDE ATTEMPT 

entry 14 | 2:09 am

i fucking hate this

boo is dating mingyu

mingyu actually went and confessed to boo just for him to accept it??

was i not obvious?? was i supposed to try harder??

all these years of pining over boo is gone

okay i admit i should have confessed sooner, it's my fault for being a coward and not doing it but honestly i knew our relationship would change no matter what answer boo had for my confession. i didn't want to lose him because without him... i don't think i would have been alive right now.

i'm not proud of this but i tried killing myself back when i first arrived to korea, was it my lack of social interaction or how people were being racist towards my nationality? not exactly sure but i remember making a full plan during school and planned ending my life that evening ( i won't go into details) but then boo,, he came into my life as an angel, being my friend, making me finally be happy again. it wasn't hard to fall for him soon

but now, i almost died because of ignorant mingyu's stupid flowers. if this happened back then i would have happily accepted death but now i have friends, i realised how precious my family is and boo. he might be with someone else now but i still love him, even though my heart is broken, i still love him

even as the days go by i still love him and will continue too

days, months, years, it doesn't matter how much time goes by, my love for him will stay

it makes it so much harder to move on. but i want boo to be happy with whatever decision he makes in his life. even if it's poor decisions like dating mingyu, i'm his friend. scratch that his best friend. it's my duty to be there for him regardless to my feelings

man aren't i pitiful rn

a fool in love who can't even do anything about it

i really need to sleep or something.  i'm not going to do anything drastic again, i've made that promise and i hope it keep it

i'm really sorry for this journal entry guys, i'll write back once i'm better

-with love, v