LEFT BEHIND

Chapter 1

I jolted up gasping for air, rubbing my chest trying to relieve the tension that encased my heart.

Pulling my knees to my chest I hid my face in my hands trying to calm my racing heart beat.

I clenched my eyes shut as I fought away the memories that plagued me. It was just a dream. I looked over to the digital alarm clock before letting out a heavy sigh. I wasn't going back to sleep.

The eerie quietude of the room got to me and I quickly made my way to the bathroom where I peeled off my clothes and hopped into the shower. I turned around facing the mirror above the sink and couldn't help but feel nothing but resentment towards myself.

I looked exactly like my father and that made my brother's hate me more. I was the only one to get his green eyes and facial features. My brothers all looked like my mother while I was the younger female copy of him.

I turned my face away from the mirror as tears stung my eyes.

I held back a sob blinking them away. I hated crying. It made me feel weak. I didn't deserve to cry. I hadn't pulled that trigger but I might as well have. It was all my fault and my brothers had every right to hate me.

Even I hated me.

I turned off the shower and stepped out wrapping a towel around my small bare body.

I stepped into my room opening my wardrobe taking out large black sweatpants and an oversized hoodie which used to belong to Alessandro. I tied my hair up into a high ponytail before putting on some rings. I looked around for my phone before eventually finding it wedged between the mattress and the bed frame. I pulled it out putting it in my pocket before grabbing my bag by the door.

I made my way downstairs finding the housekeeper who had practically saved my life already sitting there with my breakfast Infront of her.

She knew about my nightmares and knew I was always awake at ungodly hours of the day.

She never wanted me to be alone that early so she'd wake up extra early so she could make me breakfast. I gave her a genuine smile before settling down at the island Infront of her.

"Good morning Mrs Ricci," I greeted her digging into the pancakes she had made me.

"Morning Sia how did you sleep?" She asked.

"Good," I said averting her gaze not wanting to worry her with my own problems. Besides I didn't deserve her kindness. I was a murderer, a monster.

"So it's your birthday tomorrow, the big one five! How do you feel?" she asked excitedly.

I had spent every birthday for the last 9 years alone. This one wasn't going to be any different.

I shrugged at her before pushing the plate away as I was full. "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" I asked trying to avert the conversation but it didn't work. It never did I'm not sure why I even try.

"You barely ate anything," the older woman looked at me concern etched into her features. I shrugged at her again before grabbing my bag off the floor.

"I'll see you after school." I called out as I slipped my shoes on before slipping out the door.

My school was about an hours walk away and I found waking often helped me forget my problems. It was a distraction that for just a little while let me ignore my problems and pretend my life was perfect. I would make up fake memories of my father taking me to school on my first day. Of my mother helping me with my first period.

Of my brother's chasing away boys and loving me unconditionally. Because it was only in my own mind that I could have that. I could only dream it up.

It could never be my reality. No matter how desperately I prayed, screamed, cried, or begged. I was stuck with what I had.