LEFT BEHIND

Chapter 59

Luca woke up with a short sharp gasp as he shot up from his bed. Sweat covered him from head to toe as he rested his hand on his chest trying to catch his breath. His lungs screamed in agony as he tried to fill them up with the oxygen they so badly craved. He let out a small cough as he leaned forward his arms tensing under his weight. He felt his heart beat in his head as he tried taking it one breath at a time. He clenched his eyes shut as he tried to regulate his rapid heart.

He thought the nightmares were over but since Carlos' kidnapping they had seemed to come back. He let out a small gasp as he sat up making a beeline straight to the bathroom.

He peeled his clothes off as he climbed into the shower letting the steaming hot water wash away his nightmare. He let out a relieved sigh as the scolding water ran down his torso. Tilting his face up he clenched his eyes shut as he let the water cascade over him like a waterfall.

He turned towards the mirror which he had always hated that was there as he ran his hand through his wet hair pushing it back. His eyes traveled down to the scar that made its way across his torso down to his lower back. He ran his finger along it as flashes of that day ran through his mind.

He was drowning. He was drowning in his own mind. He had been drowning since Andrea had 'died' but now he feared he was sinking far beyond redemption. His anger was out of control.

He had began snapping at people for little things that weren't even their fault leaving him with an immense amount of guilt sitting on his chest.

He felt guilty for so many things. He couldn't even begin to explain them. His mind was becoming unfamiliar territory as he was plagued with the memories of his past.

Truth be told he wasn't guilty for the murder of his father but rather the fact that he couldn't prevent the suicide of his step mother. His father deserved to die. He was an abusive sexist. He was a scum that was better of dead than alive. But his step mother didn't deserve what had happened to her. Her son didn't deserve to watch his mother die.

If Luca had contained his anger. If he hadn't killed his father right there on the spot then maybe. Just maybe that family wouldn't have been destroyed. But then again that family had already been destroyed.

He let out a groan as he ran his hand through his hair again.

Andrea was being discharged from the hospital and he had promised he would drive her back. A small smile worked it's way onto his face as he thought about her. He wasn't sure where they were meant to go from here.

He didn't know how to deal with all of his emotions. He was a wreck. He was a wreck and he didn't want to drag her into it. She had enough on her plate. She didn't need to deal with his problems as well as well as her own. He could deal with it on his own. He had been dealing with it on his own for the last five years.

He didn't want her to see him as a burden.

He let out a soft breath as he turned off the shower. He slipped out before wrapping the towel around his waist. He stopped for a moment taking one last look in the mirror before he stepped into his room.

Truth be told he was a little angry at Andrea and maybe that was why he hesitated. He was scared. He was scared that he would lose her again. Five years ago her death broke him. It broke everything he had spent so much time trying to holding together. But without Andrea he felt no reason to live. But everything fell apart when his dad revealed his true colours.

He had never really loved Luca. He had loved Lucas mother but Luca was the apple of his mothers eye.

Lucas father, Alfonso, knew he wouldn't have a place in Lucas mothers, Katherine's, life without Luca.