A Court of Golden Shadow || Elain x Azriel

Chapter 33 - It Will Kill Me

Elain breathed deeply, the stale hallway air acrid in her nostrils as her heart hammered in her ears.

She could do this. She had to do this. There was no backing down now.

Squaring her shoulders, she lifted her hand to the door handle of the study, the silver metal slipping beneath her clammy fingers as she gripped the handle, turning it and opening the door.

She felt the four sets of faerie eyes burning toward her, but she kept her eyes to her toes, stepping gingerly toward the center of the room. Feyre, Rhys, Azriel, and Lucien had assembled for the humiliating meeting.

A fire was crackling in the fireplace, though the early afternoon sun was peeking through the large bay windows. The seasons had begun to shift, the heat of summer waning, leaving Velaris to succumb to the Northern climate of the Night Court. Elain blinked, hardly able to believe it was the same sun that had been warming her face in the courtyard of Rosehall hours ago. The fire crackled uncomfortably as Feyre cleared her throat, gesturing toward Elain to open the conversation.

"Lucien, I—" But she could not continue, unable to form the sentence, or really ANY sentence... her words caught in her throat.

What could she even say to him? You were right not to trust me? I'm a cheating whore of a female? You never had a shot in hells with me because I'm madly in love with an Illyrian male who's literal job is torture? I'm sorry for dragging you to Patras for a courting facade only to leave you for someone else the moment you let me have even an iota of freedom?

The nausea and bile began to rise in her throat, and Elain dropped down into a nearby chair, her head in her hands. Lucien looked away, his nose crinkling in disgust at the sight of Elain. Or perhaps, she thought somewhat ashamedly, it was disgust at the SMELL of her. Her cheeks flushed again, and she buried her face in her hands.

"I told you." Lucien spat out the words, glaring at Rhys, unwilling to turn in his mate's direction. "I told you we couldn't trust him to be alone with her. I TOLD you that bastard was obsessed with her. And now look! Gone together for only a few days and he's taken her for himself." The angry words were all but yelled through the quiet study, all the gathered fae staring at the mahogany floors, no one willing to look at Lucien, save for Azriel who was brooding in the corner, his shadows hissing and floating across the floor, his eye trained on the fireling with malice.

"You deserve to die." Lucien drew out the words, his vicious eye turning to meet Azriel's gaze.

Rhys opened his mouth to intervene, but Lucien ignored the High Lord, stepping toward Azriel, through the billowing shadow. "Tamlin warned me. He said that this EXACT thing would happen." Turning toward Rhys and Feyre, Lucien's fury built, his words descending into hysteria. "When you took her from me to bring her to this infernal court, Tamlin TOLD me the second I turned my back, an Illyrian bastard would come pawing at my mate."

The name of the High Lord of the Spring Court sent a ripple of disgust through the study, Feyre catching the arm of a nearby chair to steady herself as Rhysand wrenched his face toward the window, crossing his arms.

"Tamlin," Elain stated, breaking from her stupor and standing up from the chair, "is a bitter old beast." Lucien roiled then, his face snapping toward Elain, fury and fire burning and steaming from his shoulders and hair. "And I was not TAKEN. I have chosen. I have made a choice." She squeaked out the words, her false confidence threatening to betray her.

"Wretched bastard." Lucien spat on the floor, slices of fire now traveling across the polished wood, mingling and swirling with the dark piercing shadow.

Elain ignored him. "Lucien, this is my decision. If I wanted to be with you, Azriel would have respected my decision. And I think you know that."

"Don't speak his name to me." He snarled, ignoring the Shadowsinger despite the fact that a small war had broken out along the floor of the study, fire and shadow hissing and burning. "Of course he should have fucking respected it, you are my MATE Elain! Tamlin warned me and I should have listened."