Phil's Point of View:
Phil really wanted to cry. He really did. After shooting his first zombie then seeing Dan completely break down, the urge to break down himself was there. He just wanted to curl up and let the tears stream out of his eyes as he cried, but he couldn't. Another part of him, slightly more dominate part, wouldn't let him break. It wouldn't let him cry because Dan needed him right now. Dan was the most important thing.
As Phil stroked Dan's hair until he felt the other fall asleep, he watched Tyler safe proof the room. He watched as Tyler went around and blocked windows and the door with boards. Phil felt useless to an extent, but at least he was helping to calm Dan.
"I am so sorry that I took so long. That would have never happened if I-"
"No, Tyler, it's okay. That could have happened when we first got there. We didn't know it would happen. Least we're all safe, right?" Phil cut Tyler off and half smiled. He didn't want Tyler blaming himself for what happened.
"And I'm sure Dan will forgive you. It's not like it was your fault, and he knows that. He just got freaked out. Having... that happen.. It's pretty scary." Both YouTubers nodded and sighed in unison.
"It could have been avoided though... I just feel bad! I feel like I out all of us in danger! I'm sorry Phil..." Tyler rubbed his face with both hands. Phil mumbled out 'it is fine,' but he doubted Tyler heard.
After awhile, Tyler rolled out a sleeping bag, and he told Phil that he was going to get in a couple hours before watch. Phil told him it was alright, but in full honesty, he would have liked it if he stayed up. Phil didn't really like the quiet or being the only one awake.
Mostly the quiet reminded Phil of the few times he went to places without Dan. And by places, that meant when he took big trips to other countries. It was strange. Phil remembered living on his own and enjoying it for a good part. He liked the silence of being the only one is his house for awhile. When Dan moved it, it was odd. It took some time to get used to hearing a shower of bath going when he wasn't in there, or come back after being with a few friends and have the telly on while Dan is on the couch. After those first few months, Phil got used to it, and it started to feel normal. Then Dan had to go and visit is mother for the weekend. Phil woke up without Dan already on the couch, munching on cereal while watching telly, or hearing the toilet flush randomly in the night. The silence became eerie, and three different times, Phil ended up calling Dan just to hear his voice. He needed something. He even was Dil a couple times and left his radio on through the night until Dan came home.
And right now was almost no different than that time. Sure, Phil could see both Tyler and Dan, and he could hear both of then sleeping, but that didn't take away from the silence. Phil wished he had a radio.
He also wanted to drown out his thoughts. They began to replay the events of the day. Imagines of that zombie on top of Dan, trying to take a bite out of his face, flashed before Phil's eyes. His lip started to quiver slightly, just thinking of what would have happened if he hadn't shot that zombie. It was the mere through of Dan becoming one of those monsters that freaked Phil out the most. But if he hadn't taken the shot, or perhaps missed, Dan could have been dead. Sure, Dan is a bit messed up right now, but he was alive. His heart was still beating, his breathing was even and controlled, and his face and hand were warm on Phil's thigh. It was a secure kind of thought, just thinking of Dan alive. Thinking of Dan living in this world with him was a safe thought.
Phil's fingers tangled themselves in Dan's hair, gently playing with it. He knew Dan would probably complain, saying that his hair was gross and Phil should stop, but Phil ignored his mind's version of Dan. Somedays his mind had a good idea as to how Dan acted, and other days it really didn't have an idea of who Dan was.
Phil laughed to himself as he remembered one of their videos where they were asked to do impressions of each other. He had to stifle a laugh at the thought of Dan in his shirt, fringe parted the opposite way, and repeatedly saying "I love animals, animals, animals, animals, animals!" in a ridiculous voice. He tried hard not to laugh, but he did giggle quietly as he remembered his impression of Dan, acting like he had a headache because of his 'existential criss.' That video was amusing.
Or the time they played innuendo bingo on BBCRadio. That was a good time. Sure, they got ridiculously wet from spitting water on themselves than each other, but it was fun just playing a silly game like that with Dan.
Or when they had a race to see who could lick the frosting part of the Oreo and eat the cookie the fastest. The part he best remembered was when Dan looked at him like 'are you kidding mate' when he was asked if he wanted to Hello Kitty mug or not. Of course, Dan took it because of the irony.
Or playing Just Dance or Mario Karts with Dan. Those memories were never going away. They meant way too much to Phil. It was like, those memories could take Phil back to that time and relive them, even for just a minute. They brought a smile to his face as he recalled their videos together.
Dan shifted in Phil's leg, spinning around so his nose was nearly touching his hip. Phil gulped then sighed when Dan was comfortable. When the other was done moving, he resumed stroking his hair. And that's when a thought crept into Phil's mind, making his face heat up.
The way he cared for Dan, the way he wanted Dan safe, wanted the best for him, remembered all their memories with such adoration. The way that Phil would think of Dan, or how he described him in his mind. It caused Phil's stomach to turn, like it was doing gymnastics.
Phil realized he may love Dan.
