(Author's note: WARNING. IMPORTANT. From this point on, things are obviously going to get darker for the boys. There's probably going to be some trigger stuff, mostly in reference to suicide. I didn't know when I started the story that this was the way it was going to go so I didn't tag some of the triggers but this is the warning. Read at your own will.)
Phil's Point of View:
"You are my sunshine..."
I'm making it safe for you.
"My only sunshine..."
I was bitten, Phil... please...
"You make happy..."
Please, I don't want to be a monster...
"When skies are gray..."
Please, Phil.
"You'll never know, dear..."
Do this for me.
"How much I love you..."
I love you, Phil.
"Please don't take my sunshine away..."
Bang!
A flood of tears raced down Phil's cheeks. How could this have happened? Why Dan? Why not him? Why did he have to lose his only ray of sunshine? He didn't deserve this! He didn't deserve to have his love be taken from him! Tyler had his love, why couldn't Phil?
Dan's lifeless form was cradled in Phil's lap; his head in the crook of his elbow, his legs over Phil's thighs, and his arms were neatly folded across his stomach. Phil had closed his eyes and moved his fringe, covering the bullet wound and making it look as though Dan was sleeping. God, Phil only wished he were sleeping. He wished he was sleeping! Then, maybe, he would wake up from this terrible nightmare and have Dan beside him, holding him and telling him it was only a bad dream. He wanted this nightmare to be over so he could see Dan.
A heart wrenching sob broke through Phil as he held Dan, trying to accept the fact that Dan was gone. He didn't want Dan gone, he couldn't bare having Dan gone. They had done so much together and..
And...
He loved him. He loved Dan so much. He had been wishing since Dan said he loved him that the zombies would all just go away and everything would be normal. Phil wanted to have a domestic life with Dan; to be able to wake up in the morning with Dan cuddled up to him, to have cereal and listen to Dan bicker about him always stealing cereal, to instead cuddle together on the couch, silently scrolling through Tumblr. To just have a normal love life. But now, Dan was gone, by his own hands, and he wasn't going to be coming back. Dan was dead, in his arms, due to a sickness that could never be cured and a bullet through his brain.
"You are my sunshine... My only sunshine... you... you make me happy... when skies are gray..."
Phil gently caressed Dan's cheek, watching as tears landed onto the dead man's face. In the back of his head, Phil apologized nearly a thousand times for what happened and what was happening. He felt bad for letting Dan distract the zombies, for him being bitten, for putting that bullet through his brain. He apologized for the tears, the sobbing, and of course, what he will do with his beloved's body when him, Troye, and Tyler had to go.
Just the thought of leaving Dan made another gut wrenching sob escape Phil. He refused to have Dan buried. If he couldn't have Dan, then Britain couldn't have him. He hated, absolutely hated, the idea of having to burn Dan, like in Supernatural, but it was better than leaving him buried in the ground, all alone. Burning would mean that he wouldn't be left behind because he was really gone.
