ambivalent • a tronnor au ✔️

Chapter 16

I think Troye is hiding something from me, but I don't know what.
The past couple of days after our kiss have been amazing, we've spent so much time together, we've cuddled, and everything in between.

But then it started to go down hill. After he got that call from his mom, Troye started to become distant from me. Both physically and emotionally.

I haven't had a real conversation with him in - what seems like - days. His usual response includes something like "yeah" or just a muffled noise.

I couldn't help but wonder what had happened. What did his mom tell him? Did I do something wrong?

Troye means the absolute world to me, and he knows that, yet he won't tell me anything. It's frustrating knowing that something is bothering him, yet he refuses to let me know what that is.

Here we are now, sitting in the couch. Troye is in the complete other side of the couch as he scroll through Twitter.

I've had enough if his bullshit. I need to know what's going on in his mind - I need to know now.

"Troye" I called.

No reply

"Troye!" I snapped, raising my vice in volume.

"Hmm?"

"Troye what the hell is up? Why are you so distant all of a sudden? Are you okay?"

Silence filled the room. I couldn't hear anything but Troye breathing. I needed his answers.

"I'm fine" he lied, earning a glare from me.

"No- no you're not fine. Something is wrong and I know it!"

"Connor! I said I'm fine!" He snapped, finally looking at me. I paused, trying to figure out what to say until my mom I called from the kitchen.

"BOYS! Go up on your room if you can't stay quiet" I rolled my eyes and gestured my head towards my room, letting Troye know that I had to talk to him. He rolled his eyes in response but got up, slowly walking to our room.

"Seriously, Troye. What the hell is up?"

*TROYES POV*

I wanted to tell him, but I don't think I could without breaking out in tears in front of him.

He was so clueless about what was going on, granted, he's going to find out one way or another.

I just don't want to hurt Connor. I'm trying to distance myself from him, but I don't think that'll work.

I really want to be with Connor, but if we end up together, it will only end up hurting him even more. I knew that distancing myself from him is and will be the best thing to do.

"Are you going to answer my question or not, Troye?" Connor snapped, sounding anger by the minute. "What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" I lied. Maybe if I start being mean to him again, he won't want to talk to me - which will make everything a hella a lot easier on me.

But I didn't want it to be this way.

"Bullshit!" He called, throwing his phone down in his bed in frustration. "You've been a fucking dick to me for the past who know how long! You've been ignoring me and decline my invites to cuddle!" His voice was shaky, Almost like he was about to cry.

To say I felt bad would be an understatement.

"Did I do something wrong?" He questioned, this time lowering his voice in fear of crying.

My heart broke at the sight of it, so I quickly reassured him. "oh God no, Connor. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then what the hell is wrong?" He wasn't just asking for an answer, he was demanding. "Troye!"

"I- I'm sorry, Con. I can't tell you" I whispered.

"That's fucking bullshit, we both know that. You just chose to not tell me." His voice was getting sturdier. "You hide everything from me, Troye" he wasn't sad anymore, he was now pissed.

"You isolate yourself from everything!" I retaliate.

"I'm the one isolating myself? Says the one with no friends!" He cried back.

Ouch.

"At least I'm not little Mr.Perfect because people felt bad for me!" I knew what we were doing, we were throwing each others weaknesses at each other, that way we don't feel bad for the main problem that has been brewing for days now.

Connor is trying to distract himself from the main situation: me distancing myself.

We continued bashing each other for several minutes. There were many tears, and afterwards; many apologies.

"I'm sorry, Troye. I guess I'm just confused."

"Why?"

"I just - just - why haven't you asked me to be your boyfriend yet?" My heart drops at his words. I can't tell him. I won't. I refuse to.

"I could as you the same thing, Franta" I smirk, trying to get off this topic.

"I know I could've asked you - it's just, I fear rejection Troye. Not to mention you only just came out - I don't want to push too much pressure on you. I wanted you to be the one to ask, that way I know you're ready for a relationship with another guy" I words soothes my heart. Connor is a really caring person, he deserves someone better.

"I just - I guess I haven't asked you because" I took a deep breath, preparing myself as to where this conversation will be headed. "Because I'm afraid of losing you"

"That's crazy, Troye. Why would you be afraid of losing me? I would never leave you, Troye, never ever. You're my bestfriend. You're my everything. I couldn't leave that behind." I wanted to cry right there. This was too much to handle. Connor is a fucking sweetheart.

"You're not the one I'm worried about, Connor. I know you would never leave me. I know it. But, I think - no I know that" I took a deep breath, tears forming in my eyes. "I would be the one to leave you, Connor. I know that I would leave you at a point." I bit my lip, trying to hold in my tears.

"What's that suppose to mean?" The tears began to form in Connors eyes as well. "You're saying that you don't want to be my boyfriend because you'll know you'll break up with me?"

I knew he wouldn't get it. This is why I've been dreading this conversation.

"No. It's not like that, Connor. I mean id be leaving you because" he goes nothing. The tears already started to fall down my cheeks. It took me awhile to utter the final 5 words, but in the end i did:

"I'm moving back to Australia"