ambivalent • a tronnor au ✔️

Chapter 17

*Connors POV*

"I'm moving back to Australia" his words kept replaying in my head, I couldn't respond. I didn't know how too. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, I can't believe it.

I started to shake my head and put my hands up to my mouth. "No no no no no" I repeated. "fucking no. This cannot be happening. This cannot be fucking happening. You're lying. Tell me you're fucking lying." I kept rambling on and on. "Why!?" I cried. I started to pace around my room, looking for something to break. "Fucking why?" I now started to become angry. Not at Troye- but at me.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. It took 7 years to become friends with Troye again. If I just fucking said sorry to him in 5th grade, I could've had more fucking time with him, but no.

As I kept mumbling on, I finally found something to hit. "Fuck my life!" I cried, as I threw the picture frame across the room.

"Connor! Calm down!" Troye tried to grab my hand and pull me away, but it wasn't working. I needed to break something else.

My eyes landed on the perfect thing.

The fucking necklace that started this whole fucking feud

I reached out and grabbed the necklace, bending It in every way, shape, and form, trying to break the damn thing.

"Connor! Not your necklace! That thing means so much to you!" and with a quick movement, he grabbed the necklace out of my hand and set it back down on my desk. That's when I broke down in tears.

I collapsed onto Troye's chest, gripping his t-shirt as he stroked my hair.

"it's not fair!" I cried out, soaking his chest. "it's not fair, Troye! We just became friends again and they're taking you away from me?"

I didn't want to believe any of this. I kept pinching myself, hoping and praying that this was just one sick and twisted dream.

But it didn't work.

This was fucking reality. Troye was really going to fucking move to Australia

"Life isn't fair" Troye croaked out, sounding like he was about to break down in tears at any given time. "Everything will be alright" he whispers, stroking my hair.

"But it won't be, Troye." I looked up from his chest to meet his gaze. "you'll be in an entire different country, Tro. Nothing about that is okay."

"There's always Skype, Facetime, calling, texting, the whole nine yards. I know it won't be the same, I really do, but that's the best we've got, right?" I nodded into his chest, not wanting to say anything more. I just wanted to know why.

Why was my best friend leaving me?

As much as I wanted to stay silent, I couldn't. I needed to know the answer.

"Why?" I finally croaked out "why do you have to go to Australia?"

"it's my nana" he sighed, taking a deep breath "She doesn't show any signs of, well, dying anytime soon, but the doctors say she might - they just don't know how long it will take. And my family can't afford to just wait around in a hotel room, paying by the night. They figured it would be a lot cheaper to sell the house and move in with my Nana in her house." He breathed, holding back his tears. "I just wish there was some way for me to stay"

"What if we get jobs? And- and you move in here with me and my family! You can pay rent or something. Then you can stay with me in America and you won't ever have to leave me, Troye! And- and we ca-"

"Connor" he interrupted "that won't work"

"Why not?" I dumbly ask, realizing it was stupid to bring up in the first place.

"because we won't have enough time to plan this out"

"What do you mean we won't have enough time? When are you guys moving?"

"My family is coming back in 2 weeks, then we're packing the house and leaving. We'll be gone in a month, Connor." He wanted to cry, I could hear it in his voice "they already sold the house and everything"

There really was no way out of this. Troye was really going to move, and I couldn't do anything about it.

I was going to lose my friend.

My best friend.

My crush.

My inspiration.

My everything.

And once he's gone; I'll have nothing left.

"so this is really happening?" I whispered, letting go of him and walking to the bed. "You're really moving to Australia?"

"I'm afraid so, connor" He came over and sat down next to me, placing his hand on the small of my back. "I don't want to lose you" he whispered "my biggest fear is coming true"

His words broke my heart. I couldn't bare knowing that his fear is becoming reality. "Just know that nobody will ever replace you, connor. You're too special to me. You could never be replaced." He tried to smile, which quickly broke as he tried to fight the tears.

"Nobody could ever take away the place I hold in my heart for you," he continued "you mean too much to me. I lo-" he paused, looking up at the ceiling.

"you're my everything" he finally said. I looked over and half heartily smiled at him, even when he was crying he looked beautiful.

Slowly, Troye began to lean in, placing a small peck on my cheek. His face was mere inches away from mine as he pulled away, his breath hitting my lips as he spoke. "I wish I could call you mine"

That's when my heart dropped. The sudden realization hit me; I would never be able to call him mine. He'll be thousands of miles away from me; we wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship with that type of distance between us.

Troye Sivan Mellet is my sun, moon, and stars. He's the puzzle piece I've been missing my entire life. He brings happiness to my life, he is my entire world.

And I will never be able to call him mine.

__

A/N

short lil chapter for you guys. ily xx