ambivalent • a tronnor au ✔️

Chapter 23

We were walking back to my house, hand in hand. Within the past few hours I have felt nearly every emotion known to man. And in the end, I couldn't be happier.

"Connor?" Troye whispered, breaking our silence. I turned to him and smiled, taking in every feature of his face. "Connor, it's time to wake up now" He whispered.

Confused, I asked: "what are you talking about?"

"Con, sweet heart, it's time to wake up." This time, it was Troye's mouth moving, but my mother's voice coming out of it. "Con!" he said a little louder.

That's when I jolted awake.

A dream. It was a fucking dream. But the real question was; How much of it was a dream.

"Mom?" I questioned, rubbing my eyes with my fist. As my eyes focused in, I realized I was in my room, still in the same clothes as yesterday; the day Troye 'left for Australia'

That's when it hit me; what if Troye not going to Australia was just a dream?

"Where is he?" I asked in a panicked voice. "Mom? Where is he?" I asked again, this time sitting up.

"Where is who?" She looked confused as I continued asking the same question.

"Troye! Where is Troye? Is he in Australia? Oh god please say no." My eyes started to water at the thought. What if I actually lost Troye for good?

"No, sweetie, remember? He surprised you? They moved in only a few blocks away." A smiled grew on my face as she spoke.

So he isn't in Australia?

"where is he, though?" My moms' smile was replaced with a frown. "Mom?"

"I don't know. You guys went out last night around 5, then you came back here, and he gave you something right before running away. " She took a deep breath. "Then you sat down on the grass outside, crying and holding this frame in your hands - you wouldn't let me see it either - you tried to go look for him, but I told you not to, you needed sleep." I couldn't believe it. Me looking for Troye was just a dream?

The countless amounts of phone calls and text messages were just a dream?

The beach?

The kiss?

Then the sudden realization hit me; Troye and I aren't dating. It was all a fucking dream.

I wanted to cry, scream, kick, yell, whatever. I needed to let all my emotions out. Why did it have to be a dream?

"Connor, are you okay?" My mom asked, barely audible. I just shook my head, trying to fight back the tears. "What's wrong?"

"I- I" I wanted to tell her that I fucked up, that the best night of my life was just a dream. I wanted to tell her about how Troye and I shared a perfect kiss on the beach at 1 in the morning. But I couldn't. "I have to find Troye" I cried out, springing from my bed.

"I don-"

"Mom! I have to find Troye. I need to find Troye!" I cried out, fiercely unplugging my phone from its charger.

"Connor, if you really loved him, you'd let him go!" She replied.

"Mom, you don't understand! I can't! That's what you told me in my dream, but I ignored it anyways and it turned out to be the best thing ever! You need to trust me on this, I need to find him!" and with that, I raced out of my room and the house. "Troye!" I yelped from the yard. "Troye! Where are you?!" I screamed, not giving 2 shits whether or not the neighbors hear or not. I broke down into tears and fell onto my knees. "Troye" I cried out, slightly quieter.