Why is it so hard to say I Love You?: A Twipie Love Story

Chapter 15

Twilight managed to get herself together, or at least together enough for the game night ahead of her. With the hours that had passed since her breakdown, you would think she'd feel a bit better. But she spent all those hours in her room, thinking and thinking and thinking. Thinking of her parents. Thinking of her girlfriend. Thinking of how she'd become nothing but a disappointment. If her parents knew she was giving into these feelings right now, they'd rip her to shreds. They'd never speak to her again. They make her feel as worthless as she was. But she still felt like she needed them somehow. Like their love is what gave her value. Like it was the only worthy reason she had of existing. Without that, she felt almost lost. She really wanted to weigh in with Celestia on the topic. After all, she was basically her adopted mother. But Velvet could never hear that.

Once she had all the games, snacks, and refreshments set up for her friends, she paced around the foyer waiting for Pinkie, knowing she'd be the first to arrive, since she'd asked to come early. Twilight heard loud knocking, which didn't stop until the door was actually opened. Twilight laughed at how obnoxious it was. That was Pinkie, alright.

Pinkie jumped in excitement. "Hey, Twi! I missed you!" She then gave Twilight a quick kiss on her cheek before walking in, which caught Twilight by surprise. Her cheeks turned red as her face went from shock to a huge smile followed by her giggling. "You're so cute, you know that?"

"Not necessarily, but I try my best!" Pinkie said, as she looked back at her girlfriend. They both looked at each other in awe. Pinkie then decided to make a remark toward Twilight.

"You know, you act as if I don't think you're cute!"

"Is that so?"

"Maybe. You just give off that you're all up tight. But under all that you're a warm sweet adorable book nerd."

"Oh come on, everypony  already knows the nerdy book part."

"But do they know how cute you are?"

Twilight giggled. "Apparently not."

"We'll work on that" Pinkie said, with a wink.

As the other ponies began to arrive, Twilight started to ease her nerves about all that had happened earlier. She tried to forget it all together. Put it out of her mind, avoid it. Just do anything to stay as far from those thoughts as possible. Because all of it made her physically sick. She felt so worthless even thinking of her parents seeing what she was doing right now. She was getting more and more self conscious, starting to find other things about herself to critique to compensate as a way to distract from what was really bothering her. This went from her looks, to her skills, even to her routine. Everything needed to be perfect and stay that way. It was the only way she felt a sense of control in her current state. Her mental and physical health began to deteriorate in return. She was pulling out her hair more, something she had always had an issue with from her anxiety, but hadn't been this bad since she was a filly. She barely slept, fearing the nightmares that awaited her night after night. She was so stressed from all of this that she would forget to eat sometimes, making her tiredness only grow worse. She felt sick. And it wasn't just her parent's opinions anymore, it was the effects they were capable of having on her. They were slowly but surely destroying her.

Twilight was thinking about all these things at once, making her completely out of it when her friends came through the door and into the foyer. She suddenly snapped out of it when Pinkie moved a hoof in front of her face, bringing her back into reality. Twilight smiled at the gesture. She had such a sweet soft way of doing things.

This then turned into another panic for Twilight. Had Pinkie seen the look on her face? Was she worried now? Was she gonna bring this up later and ask if she was ok? Was she gonna try and find out if something was going on? Was Pinkie gonna try and pity her like Starlight had? No. She wouldn't let her. She'd deny how she was feeling for as long as possible. It's all her parents ever taught her to do anyway. They always guided her to never make your problems anypony else's, and to keep a brave face. At least maybe there was one thing they'd be proud of after all.

Twilight snapped out of it again, much quicker this time. She then greeted her guests. Applejack & Rainbow Dash, Rarity & Fluttershy, and of course Starlight went ahead and brought good old Trixie. Rainbow being Rainbow, decided to tease Twilight for her blank stare.

"Hey Twi, what's up? So shocked by how much awesome I was able to bring tonight? Shocking, I know."

Applejack gave her girlfriend a hoof to the mouth. "Sorry, she's been like this all day. She's just SO incredibly confident she's gonna win every game tonight." Applejack rolled her eyes, while Rainbow gave her a cute smirk in return, which AJ couldn't help but smile at.

Rarity then walked toward Twilight, levitating a plate of tea cakes her way. "Oh my, those two are rather juvenile. Me and Fluttershy on the other hoof, spent all afternoon making these to share with you all!" She then nudged Fluttershy. "Fluttershy did most of the work though. She knows I don't like to get dirty." Fluttershy blushed, as she smiled back at Rarity.

"We brought cider ya know!" Applejack said. "Y'all know we'd never come over empty hoofed, even if I spent my day telling Rainbow I will be winning tonight."

"Oh please" Rainbow said, giggling.

"Aw, neither of you had to bring anything. Thanks guys!" Twilight said, as she motioned toward the throne room. "Now come on, let's get our game on!"