Why is it so hard to say I Love You?: A Twipie Love Story

Chapter 17

** Author's Note **
hey!! it's been a bit. if you follow my other socials, you might know i haven't been doing great recently. i'm not gonna go into detail, but on the bright side, it inspired me to get some fanfic writing in. i have a ton of ideas to add to this story, and i'm looking forward to sharing the new additions to pinkie and twilight's romance with you all. through everything, no matter what, i am forever grateful that something that serves as a crucial coping skill for me (writing) is able to become something enjoyable for my fellow twipie fans. twilight is especially a character i see so much of myself in, hence why there is so much detail put into every aspect of what she goes through in this story. although it's not usually the exact things i've had to deal with, the emotions and feelings all come from a very raw and real place. twipie is such a magical duo, and writing about them and all the possibilities of where this journey could take them brings me immense joy, which as with someone with many mental health struggles, is a feeling i always strive to find in the things i do. thank you all so much for keeping up with this story as i keep writing, and i promise i will not disappoint with keeping this story full of angst, emotion, love, romance, and of course, twipie!! i love you all, thanks for sticking around. enjoy the chapter :)
-@twiiisparkle/sandra <3

"What were you thinking!?!"
"You're such a fool!!"
"Such a pathetic excuse for a daughter."
"You'll never amount to anything with the path you're on."
"You are NOTHING."
"You will always be a failure."
"Your feelings aren't real."
"Stop lying to yourself. You don't deserve happiness. You deserve to suffer."

These cruel words were at the hooves of nopony other than herself. Her nightmares weren't even just her parents berating her anymore. She was now attacking herself. She saw exaggerated visuals of herself surrounding her and staring down at her, making her feel as if she was the size of an ant. As if she was nothing. She hyperventilated as she began to cry tears. She didn't know it wasn't real yet. Many of her dreams went like this. She'd get so sucked into the nightmare, she didn't know the difference between dream and reality until she was awake. But either way, they seemed to be increasingly affecting her. She felt like such a disappointment.

The words continued on to be shouted at her as she cried real tears. She felt as if she was suffocating in her internal thoughts. She was awoken abruptly by a concerned hoof on her shoulder, followed with a familiar voice.

"Twilight?!? Twilight!! Wake up!! Are you alright??" Pinkie said, as she gently shook Twilight's shoulder. Twilight rose from her sleep in a state of panic, but took a deep breath when she realized Pinkie was there. She was gasping for air, as she was still very confused and anxious. She was so breathless she thought she might pass out. She felt incredibly shaken. She was so afraid. She was so unaware. She didn't know what to think or what was even going on.

Pinkie picked up on how upset she was. She had never seen her so anxious before. Sure, Twilight was known for her anxiety attacks from time to time, but those were much smaller and usually didn't involve tears. She knew something was up. But for now, she needed to do what she could to calm Twilight down.

"It's alright, deep breaths. I'm here for you. Take a breath with me."

Pinkie kept her hoof around Twilight as they took a breath together. With Pinkie's help, Twilight was able to slowly but surely slow her breathing down. Pinkie tried to approach the conversation again.

"Are you alright?"

"What even happened?"

"You were crying and shaking in your sleep, did you have a bad dream?"

Twilight quickly turned to meet Pinkie's eyes.

"That wasn't real??"

"What wasn't real??"

"Nothing."

"Twilight...you know you can talk to me right?"

Twilight went silent.

"What are you thinking?"

"That we should go back to sleep. You're busy tomorrow afternoon. Get some rest."

"Please don't avoid talking to me. I wanna be here for you."

"There's nothing going on. Just a bad dream. Don't worry about it."

Pinkie didn't really know what to say. She didn't wanna accuse Twilight of lying to her. But Twilight's reaction was so extreme during her sleep, she wasn't sure a small bad dream would cause that. She decided to leave it alone for now, as she didn't wanna push Twilight further.

"Alright."

"I'm sorry for waking you up. Thank you for comforting me."

"No problem."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Twi."

Pinkie fell back into a deep sleep, but Twilight was terrified to even close her eyes again. She couldn't believe she'd exposed Pinkie to her emotions like that. She felt even worse than she already had. She remained awake for the rest of the night, completely restless and full of endless thoughts about her life.