Hear my lullaby

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Freya

It's rainy day in London, Gilbert was standing next to me, holding an umbrella. I wrapped my hands around his arm, and I leaned my head against his shoulder. It's been a month since his father died. He had brain cancer and when they found it three months ago, there was nothing they could do. It all happened so fast. The funerals were so sad, everyone cried for the whole time and it was heartbreaking.
Funerals are always hard, saying the last goodbye and starting the process of living without the person.. it's very hard.

Six months ago I moved here, I left my old life and started a new one. Honestely I've never been happier. My mom was very suprised at first, but she got used to it and she was quite excited that I moved in to Gilbert's apartment. She liked him when we were younger and studying. Eevi was very shocked and she got so worried of how I will manage in the big world. We've been calling to each other every week, and facetime is also a cool invention. Oscar has grown very much, his smile is so adorable and eyes are like his mothers. He's almost seven months old. Eevi is happy for me, and she didn't judge me when I broke up with Joel and left to another country.. with another man. Gilbert was my best friend, and we were friends with benefits for two months when we got here. It was working at first, but then we couldn't do it anymore. We wanted something more. We kinda started dating after that, and we kept it as a secret. But when we were ready to announce that we're together, his father's cancer got found. We both were upset, and Gilbert wanted to keep it as a secret. I was totally okay with it.

And when we knew that his father was going to die, and he was laying on a bed at the hospital, he whispered to Gilbert that we would look good couple. Then Gilbert told him that we're actually dating, and his father got so happy. For the last time.
Two days after that he died, and I can't even describe it all.
Gilbert was more depressed than I've ever seen, he didn't eat or sleep properly, he couldn't go to work. It made me so sad and I cried many nights with him when he missed his father.

About Joel. Eevi told me one week after when I left that he was missing me a lot. That he was mad all the time, and no one had the permission of talking about me when he was around. He got so pissed.
One month ago I asked about him from Eevi, and she said that he's having many women around him. Or course, he's single and he's a rockstar, every woman is almost crawling behind him and beginning him to date them.
I still care about Joel and I only wish good for him. But after all.. why would I even explain.

Gilbert took a deep breath and it interrupted my thoughts, I looked up at him. His sad eyes were glued to his father's grave. I don't know how to make him feel better.
I stroked his arm gently, then slowly he turned his eyes on me. He lifted corners of his mouth a bit up.
"You don't need to go to Finland with me, if you want to stay." I quietly told him. He tilted his head and then shook his head. He didn't broke the eye contact even for a second.
"I want to come. A little vacation away from here would be good..." His tone was wondering, but still he sounded sure. I nodded.
The day after tomorrow we would go to Finland, to see my mom, Oliver and of course Eevi, Olli and Oscar. And surely the other guys too. It's been six months, and I do miss them a lot. Also my mom is pretty excited to see Gilbert after many years.
But tomorrow we would go to a cafe with Gilbert's mother, just to see how she's doing.

We walked out of the cemetary, and we took slow steps towards his apartment. My eyes wandered around, I adored this city, London.

"I was wondering that.. what if your friends hate me..?" Gilbert sounded unsure as we were taking our jacket's off in the hallway. I frowned a bit to him, then I took my shoes off.
"They don't, believe me. Why would you even think about that?" I asked worried when we made our way to the kitchen. He poured some water to the kettle, and then put it on. He was silent, he only shrugged his shoulders. I sat down, and rested my hands against the kitchen table.