Hear my lullaby

13.

                         13. I think I'm lost

Freya

I saw a terrible nightmare, I woke up sweaty in the middle of the night. I opened my eyes and I felt so much anxiety, I was on the couch.
I am sick at the moment, I got a fever after Joonas helped me out of the bathtub. I feel like I'm walking in fog, I can't see to the past nor in the future.
I feel weak all the time and I don't even know if I'm alive anymore. I still have to find out what Gilbert is doing.
I saw him walking towards me in the dark, and I was about to sit up, but the fever and dizziness made me to lay down again. Gilbert kneeled in front of me and put his hand on my forehead, he frowned.
"Can't you sleep my dear?" He asked quietly. I shook my head a little as no. He stroked my cheek then, I have no idea why he's suddenly so worried and caring, but it reminded me when everything was good between us. So I liked it.
"What happened last night..? My memory is so fragmentary." I questioned as I closed my eyes, I had to sleep and I wanted to so I wouldn't feel this pain. But I wasn't tired anymore after that nightmare.

"You.. fainted. Then you woke up and you acted weirdly, it's that fever. At night you wanted to shower and I adviced you to take a warm bath." He explained calmly.

"But to the good news.. I bought the plane tickets to Caribbean. We leave in three days." He continued silently and he sounded excited. I felt even more nauseous and I had to cover my mouth with my hand. I opened my eyes while I sat up quickly, Gilbert kept his hand on my shoulder.
"Shall we go to the bathroom?" He asked worried while I tried to stay calm. I hate throwing up and it's one of the many things I'm most scared off.
I moved my eyes to his, and slowly I lowered my hand down from my mouth. My body wanted me to throw up, but my stomach was empty. I didn't feel hunger because of the fever and the nasty feeling, but not having anything inside of my stomach.. it's not good.
"Can you bring me water? Or juice?" My voice was shaky. Gilbert looked confused, but he only nodded and went to bring me something.
I had the opportunity to think.

I have three days. Is it enough time to find out Gilbert's secret? And what the hell can I do when I'm sick? He's probably going to watch me all the time and take care of me. This feels so bad to be so suspicious about him.. how everything has changed so much and only in a short time?
I wish everything would be fine again.
I looked at him while he walked back to me, and he seemed to be normal. What if I'm just being paranoiac.. what if I'm imagining all of this?

He sat down next to me and gave me the glass that was filled by water. I took it with shaky hand and carefully I lifted it up to my lips, I took a small sip. Gilbert's hand was on my back and he stroked it up and down very slowly, his hand was gentle and for a moment it felt safe. Like I was safe. Maybe I am safe after all.
I dared to take a bigger sip, my throat felt so dry and the water tasted better than ever before.

"Dear I'm sorry about what happened with Joonas." He suddenly broke the silence. I turned my head to my right, and all I saw was his brown eyes full of regret.
"He's your friend and.. I offended him badly. But you know that I tried to protect you, right?" He continued, sounding worried. I didn't know how to react, what to say and so on. I kept on studying his eyes and face, he was waiting for my answer.
"Are you using drugs?" The question that has been spinning around in my mind just came out of my mouth. I was calm, the fever has taken all of my energy away, so maybe that was also a reason to stay calm.
His face didn't change.

"Why are you thinking about such a thing? I would never touch those poisons. You need to sleep, I'll be in the basement." He stroked my back for the last time and then he stood up, leaving me alone with the glass of water. I wasn't confused about his reaction. But he was extremely calm, like in scary way. But it's 2am, so it's not a suprise that he's tired. What if he's not lying?
My phone buzzed in the coffee table, so I reached out and took it. I was scared that it would be the unknown number again.