INTERMISSIONS

INTERMISSION : Ending tonight, with a smile

Shooting Star Feelings: An extremely long rambling essay on being a BrightWin fan

I am not young. And throughout my life I have never really been a super fan. Of course, I have favorite bands, books, shows, and all. But I am afraid to be called a fraud if I claim to be a super fan or a stan of any particular thing.

I fear it so much that when Eraserheads had their reunion concert in 2008, a reporter approached me and my friend and asked if we were fans of the band and I answered: "Kind of." To which the reporter looked perplexed. Because it was 1pm. And we were already at the concert grounds. The show starts at 7.

My favorite Eraserheads song since I was in Grade 5 is With A Smile. It's one of their cheesier songs and most hardcore fans of the band would raise an eyebrow if you ever said this was your favorite. So I don't really tell people.

Flash forward to July 2021 and I finally give in to my friends' requests and watch 2gether the Series. I told myself, I'll watch 2 episodes to at least say I gave it a fair shot. I pressed play on Netflix and the rest as they say is history.

I fell in love.

I felt hope.

I was so in awe to watch a world where people were simply allowed to love people. No matter who that person is.

I was so in awe to watch two men fall in love so purely and so deeply that it inspired their friends to take a chance at love as well.

Life was messy and stressful in 2021.
And as every fan of 2gether has said, let me say it too : BrightWin saved me.

There were days they were my only reason to smile (apart from my child of course). There were days when searching for #ไบร์ทวิน would be my motivation. There were so many days that my stress was eased by playing an edit, reading an AU, writing an AU.

To tell you the truth, I have not written for my own pleasure since high school. Bright and Win changed that.

Despite everything, I didn't know how to describe what I am. A fan? A stan? A delulu?

But I am done quibbling. I am done fearing.

When Bright sang With A Smile tonight, I was too stunned and too busy fangirling to let myself feel what I was feeling.

But as I drove home, I played the song and there it was - the full force of emotion.

If you saw me in Pasay traffic, yes I was the weirdo singing and crying while driving slowly in the rain. I am the weirdo delulu superfan who is so thankful to have discovered 2gether and BrightWin.

Why do I have to fear or apologize for what I love? When that was the whole reason 2gether hooked me in? This is how we should love - unconditionally, unapologetically, unafraid.

Lift your head, baby don't be scared.

'Cause in a world where everybody hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round.

Win and Bright, you will never read this. You will never see this but let me say it anyway :

I will stay.
We will stay.
This love of ours is true.
We will support you and your careers.
Champion your achievements.
Gently chastise when you make a wrong turn and wait for you as you learn.
Support you. Protect you. Be there for you.

Like you have been there for us.

Like you have been there for me.

Thank you for bringing such a beautiful world to life. Thank you for existing.

We love you.

And I am proud to say I am your 100% a super duper ultraelectromagnetic fan.