By My Side

Chapter 19 - Of Existential Crises

Author's Note: Disclaimer, Yoda is the galaxy's greatest troll. It's not even funny. ;_;

~ Rivana Rita

Ahsoka, quite frankly, has no idea what's happening. Apparently, Master Kenobi already knew? And Master Skywalker hasn't told the Council yet?

Something is clearly wrong, and she doesn't know what.

Except that her master looks like he's about to cry, and she has absolutely no idea what to do about that, either, because that's impossible. Jedi don't do that – they don't get so emotional, at least not when they're older.

Anakin sighs, looking away when the doors close. His hand drops from her shoulder to her lower arm, and she doesn't pull away. None of this makes sense, and – and – what?

"You time-travelled," she says, because that's an easier topic to address. "Didn't you?"

He nods shakily, moving to lay down again. Ahsoka shuffles, tempted to move over to him but she doesn't know if it's... invasive.

"It's fine," Anakin says a bit roughly, as if sensing her question. Ahsoka seats herself lightly on the edge of his bed. "Yes, I did," he answers with a soft sigh. "I did time-travel. I don't know how it happened. I thought I was going to die, but I came back instead."

"But why wouldn't you have told the Council?" Ahsoka queries, confused. That's what doesn't make sense to her.

"Something happened between us," he answers, shifting a little, "And I couldn't speak to them right away. Afterwards, I suppose I have been... not thinking clearly. It was simpler not to."

"So... you trained me?" It makes sense now, why he was always looking at her as though expecting to see another. It had angered her, and it still does, but it makes sense.

"I tried, and I... failed." Anakin sighs softly, and Ahsoka glances over at him.

"Failed how?" That doesn't make sense.

"You left the Order," he confesses, "That is why I was... unsure about training you again. It wasn't about you; it was... her, but you're not."

"That explains it," she grumbles. He didn't seem angry about it, but he was obviously bothered, and she didn't like seeing him like that. It had upset her, too.

"Was it that obvious?"

"Yes. You looked at me like you were seeing a ghost most of the time." Though she still can't begin to understand how she could've left the Order. That's insane. Did she lose her mind? How could she possibly leave this life behind?

"I'm sorry, Ahsoka. I didn't mean to make you feel unwanted."

"You could have told me what it was from the beginning," Ahsoka replies sullenly. She would've liked to know – she could never understand what was wrong, or if there was just something wrong with him.

"Yes, I should have," Anakin agrees. "You had a right to know. I've been trying to do it by myself, but I..."

"What's the future like?" Ahsoka inquires, "Was the war still going on? And what happened to me then?" She's just curious, okay?

"Yes, it was," he replies, "We were... close. Obi-Wan wasn't assisting in your training. He might pitch in now and then on missions, but it wasn't official. That was only me."

"Did future me lose my mind?" she can't help asking.

"Why would you think that?"

"Why would she ever have left the Order? That doesn't make any sense."