Do You Deserve Me?

Chapter 2: I Don't Understand

Lucifer's POV

After discussing with Dr. Linda about the case today and everything that has happened between me and the detective and Pierce, I finally see my true emotions for the detective. Dr. Linda advised me to go over to the detective and tell her the truth, I got into my car and drove straight to her appointment. However, when I shortly arrived at the apartment, I noticed Pierce's motorcycle was there. I looked up in worried thinking he has something trick up his sleeve to woo the detective's heart. I quietly rushed up the stairs and heard some talking inside, knowing it was Pierce with the detective. Instead of knocking on the door and interrupting them, I quietly unfolded my white wings and flew up and landed on the balcony outside of the apartment. I watched outside from the glass door, luckily the doors were slightly open for me to listen.

Listening to Pierce's words about his mistakes and how he wanted to change, to be with the detective, it deeply cracked my heart. Like Pierce was reading my mind, everything he said would be exactly how I would have said it. Then when Pierce fell down to one knee, he held up a ring and asked for the detective to marry him, and everything stopped literally. The air was thin and froze in my lungs, I couldn't breathe, and my eyes were locked on them. I couldn't believe this was happening, right here right now, not when I finally opened up to my own feelings about her and wanted to tell her.

After a short time, the detective revealed her answer, and the air in my lungs was released so I could finally breathe again. I heard their argument and how much the detective was hurt by not just Pierce, but by me. Hearing the truth again about how I was treating this like a competition and thinking of her like a trophy, deeply sored me. Once Pierce left the apartment, I watched the detective standing by the door hearing her huff in her deep breathe trying to stop herself from crying. It cracked my heart to think that I put her in that position, especially when I listen to the detective about how I made her like a trophy. From the morning after Pierce broke up with the detective and thought of all the heavy weight of guilt and loneliness, he must have put on her. I thought I was losing the heavyweight by commenting negatively about Pierce; about how I can do better than him. When really, I was gaining more weight on her shoulders. That drew me away from the window, thinking instead of going in and telling the detective the truth, I believed it was better to let her be alone for a while.

Quietly, unfolded my white wings again and flew off from the balcony, I walked back to my car and drove home. I walked into Lux and passed through lots of people dancing and singing along to the loud song that was being played. There were a few dirty stares eyeing at me from the beautiful ladies, however I only responded back to them with a small smile then walked off ignoring them. Finally reached the private elevator, heading up to my penthouse. I walked in where I set up the whole romantic scene for the detective, all of the candles were already halfway melting down to the bottom. I realised that Dr. Linda was already gone, good because I needed some time for myself. Picked up a glass of whiskey and pour into a small glass, after I walked outside to the balcony. I rested my arms on the cold, steel bars and took a quick sip of eth whiskey. I looked up at the dark sky, eyed at the fact that my bloody father is enjoying himself while watching me suffer from my mistakes that he probably planned. Then, Dr. Linda's theory came to my mind, as she suggested that it may not be my father's doing. I hated the thought for I knew my father deeply despises me and will do anything to continue to torture me while I'm still living. Yet, somehow a small part of me believe this theory to be true, I eyed back at the dark sky wondering if it is true.

I couldn't be bothered to get myself another drink or go and have sex with someone. Walked back inside and headed to my bed. Talking my clothing off and neatly piled them on the side of the room, I was only wearing my boxes when I slide into my bed. Turn all the lights off and I settled in a conformable position, yet I couldn't go to sleep straight away. Usually, I could, but now I am just thinking back at all of my mistakes and the misfortunes I have created. I was thinking about the detective, and how much pain she much be in. Then, I thought of trying to talk to her tomorrow, tell her everything. The truth about my feelings, then possibly about myself. Picturing how I might break her as much as I did with Dr. Linda. But, if it worked well with the doctor, then it might work well for the detective. Thankfully, my eyelids finally felt heavy and tired as I drifted off into a deep sleep.