I'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT!
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Y/N: *Screams*
Artyom: *Screams louder to assert dominance*
Ulman: Should we do something?!
Vladimir , observing: No, I want to see who wins this.
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Miller: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Ulman: Okay, but in my defense, Y/N bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Miller: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
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*The group is getting into the car*
Miller: I’m driving.
Ulman, out of view: Shotgun!
Y/N, turning to face Ulman: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Ulman: WOAH-
Ulman, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*
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Y/N: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Ulman: The car takes a screenshot.
Miller: For the last time, get the fuck out.
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Pavel: Boris, my old arch enemy.
Ulman: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
Pavel: I have a life outside of you, Ulman.
(when I say pavel I'm mostly talking about 2033 pavel XD)
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Y/N: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Artyom: Several traffic violations.
Ulman: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Bourbon: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Khan: Also, that’s not our car.
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Artyom: What time is it?
Ulman: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
Ulman: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Miller: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Ulman: It’s 2 am
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Bourbon: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Ulman: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Pavel: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Y/N: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Khan: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Artyom: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Y/N: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Miller, annoyed: You are disappointments
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Y/N: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
Khan: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
Artyom: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!
YOU ARE READING
Metro 2033: Artyom X male reader
Fanfiction(slight updates, some will be shitposts) Growing up in the deep dark and damp metro wasn't that bad, or well as long as you had food in your stomach and a blanket over your shoulders you were fine, you are Y/N Nikolayev a young adult who lived in Ex...
