DESIRE

15

Monday
July 2, 2018
Marshall's POV:

"So dad, are you seeing anybody?" Hailie asked as we all sat down for an early get-together. I shook my head,

"No, not really into dating at the moment Hai." I chuckled. "I'm fine though, I like being alone."

Alaina sighed, "Dad, we just want to make sure you're happy. We don't want you to be lonely." She replied, placing her hand on my back. I smiled and shook my head, taking a bite of chicken and rice I had made.

"Girls," I smiled. "Please, do not worry about me. I'm happy." I chuckled.

"Well there's a girl I know, she's in her mid 30's at my work! She's single, with no kids. Brunette, her name is Kelly." Alaina smiled, "Maybe you two could meet sometime-"

"Alaina Marie..." I sighed, placing my hand on hers. She looked down. I kissed her cheek and smiled, "Lanie, I promise I'm fine. I don't need anybody. I'm happy where I am right now. All I care about is my kids. Nothing else."

Hailie sighed, "We just want to make sure you never feel alone dad. We worry about you sometimes..."

"And I appreciate it! I truly do." I smiled. "But you really don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. I'm happy where I am in life right now, nothing could change that." I took a few more bites of chicken and stood up, grabbing my plate and Alaina's which was empty. I ventured into the kitchen, rinsing them off. Truthfully, I am lonely. I want someone in my life, a partner, a friend. Someone I can love and trust. Someone that can understand my issues, and not get frustrated. Being able to try and communicate with me, and understand I am not perfect. I'm just a man. A father, son, brother, uncle. Many things, but I'm not perfect.

I've been through many relationships in my life. Kim was probably the most toxic I've ever been in. We'd fight, make up, break up, get married, and repeat since 2006. I only stayed for the girls, I wasn't happy in my marriage at all. I wasn't faithful when I should've been. That's a big thing I regret, she hurt me and I coped with it by doing the same to her. Deep down, she's a good woman. A good mother, she's been through a lot of shit in her life; same as me. I think that's why we connected and fell for each other. No one understood me like she did, no woman has ever understood me other than her. But we're not bad people, just bad together.

"Dad?" Hailie's hand rested on my shoulder, making me jump at the sudden touch. I placed the dishes in the dishwasher, then turned around and smiled at her,

"Yeah baby?" I turned around to face her. She sighed,

"We weren't meaning to piss you off or anything, we just want you to be happy." She whispered. I placed my hands on her rosy cheeks, kissing her on the forehead.

"Hai, you could never piss me off. You know that." I smiled, pulling her into a tight hug, her chin resting on my shoulder. We stood there for a long embrace, then I pulled away lifting her chin. "I'm fine baby, don't worry about me. I'm happy. I rather be alone. Someday I'll find someone. But I don't need someone to make me happy. I'm blessed to have a family, it's all I ever wanted."

She smiled and kissed me on the cheek letting out a small sigh. "Okay.." she whispered, venturing back into the dining room. I sighed, leaning back against the counter. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent a text to Diane.

[To Diane👅]
[Yo, know you're on vacation but just thinking about you. Hope you're having fun...]

I sighed, jamming my phone back into my pocket and walking back into the living room.
———-
I sat down on the couch, laptop in my lap later that night, scrolling through missed emails; replying to them. I checked my phone numerous times, waiting to see if Diane texted back. No reply. I groaned, rubbing my head in frustration. What do I gotta do to have her? Make her mine? I set my laptop on my coffee table, grabbing my notebook. Scribbling down a few words, a chorus came to my head, 'I just want you to be normal, why can't you bitches be normal.'  humming a bit as I wrote.