Emotional Trauma Sucks

Killed My Soul

(Intro)
Have you ever wanted to kill off your soul and bury it out in some deep long lost hole?
Just had a desire to feel nothing anymore because your emotional state was so poor?
Well you're not alone and I'll tell you my story filled with worry so gory as a warning to atone
Don't make the same mistakes I did when I just ran away and forever more hid like a scared kid
It's possible to destroy the soul with emotional training and overexposure so damn casual
But I'm here to warn you not to run away because the universe will find a way
You have to face your past trauma in order to heal super fast like using a steam sauna
Well that's enough of an intro I'd say it's about time we got started bro

(Verse 1)
Once upon a rhyme I destroyed my soul in a much darker time when I just didn't feel whole
And I fell off in a darkened bottomless hole because I just couldn't stand to feel at all
So I found a way to destroy my feeling to utilize an abstract method of healing and sealing
I discovered this theory of psychological conditioning and applied that to my whole physiological being as a new method of dealing
So by exposing myself to pain frequently and consistently I could force my brain to normalcy
It would accept that pain was just another part of the refrain and simply just more of the same
Then I started to develop a hole in my chest that just could not seem to be impressed nor compressed or ever even possibly assessed
So I forced myself to feel until I couldn't feel a damn thing not even a damn bee sting
And I didn't realize the dark road I had started down without much more than a toad smile
And just when I couldn't feel was when things slowly stopped to even seem real
But I had yet to come to the realization of what I had created by simple actualization
I had found that darkened hole I'd been searching for and jumped right in before...
Before I realized what I had done when I....

(Hook)
Killed my soul
Didn't wanna feel whole so I...
Killed my soul
Because I couldn't handle how I felt so I only had one way which was how I dealt and I...
Killed my soul
Really couldn't handle being so damn emotional so you know what I did when I went and hid? I...
Killed my soul
Because I didn't want to feel a damn thing but don't worry because as I sing I've...
Reclaimed my soul and finally feel whole!

(Verse 2)
In order to be accepted by society you must not fear being rejected ever so silently
And in order to reclaim your lost soul and once again feel whole would you stand with me?
I'm not saying that you need to be just like me and that you don't have to worry
You can be my friend and whenever you need me I'll be there until the very end
You don't have to be lonely but I can appreciate wanting to be alone occasionally
I just want you to realize that I don't want you to suffer but if you must you can be a learner
I have learned so many life lessons from these many bouts of unclinical depressions
Too much anxiety was always within me to a point I felt that my brain and heart were toxicity
How could I live with myself and work on improving my mental health
When I couldn't see a way to fincancial wealth and couldn't stand the sight of my greedy self
Like how do we find a balance between what's just enough and calling their unjust bluff?
And I've been through fucking hell but these days I'm chasing a feeling happy as hell!
I've had my ups and downs but I'm around erasing those frowns in my own ways
But I can't forget my past so I'll say it once more real fast... don't forget that one time when I...

(Hook)
Killed my soul
Didn't wanna feel whole so I...
Killed my soul
Because I couldn't handle how I felt so I only had one way which was how I dealt and I...
Killed my soul
Really couldn't handle being so damn emotional so you know what I did when I went and hid? I...
Killed my soul
Because I didn't want to feel a damn thing but don't worry because as I sing I've...
Reclaimed my soul and finally feel whole!

(Verse 3)
Now I could have made this song much darker but I would rather you think of a future much happier with your friends and loved ones near
So I've decided to share my story and less of my worry and past so gory because I'm better these days feeling happier speaking genuinely and honestly I'm smiling a lot more these days thinking of how I can be happier is many ways
Sorry that rhyme was so damn long but my OCD saw a pattern that I had to follow along or maybe it was more me openly admitting my mental illness within a sorrowful song
But the point of these is that these days I'm learning to be happier and more confident in myself while perpetually learning to care for my very own mental health and awareness of self
Yay!! I finished my rhyme where I wanted to that time and I don't have to resist acting like a mime
You see I can write all day but speaking out loud gives me immense anxiety but I hide it like party
What I'm trying to say is we can go through trauma and face the daily drama
But at the end of the day we don't have to go that same way and we can choose to be happy
If we can only learn to control our mentality and I mean no offense universally but I'd rather be happy even if it meant that I had to go crazy