Voodoo [H.S.]

Seven

tw:domestic violence
June 23rd, 2022

For the last nine days, every moment has been the exact same.

Wake up. Make coffee. Smoke a joint. Take a shower. Get dressed back in pajamas. Read my comfort book, The Outsiders. Smoke another joint. Make my first and only meal of the day.
Read more. Smoke more. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.

The first day after the incident with Harry and Zayn was the worst. I laid in bed, replaying the scene in my head over and over again. Each time, my mind went back to Alex. And then I replayed that memory over and over again.

December 17th, 2016

"Hey baby, don't forget you said you would come over this weekend for our family Christmas party," I said absentmindedly as I made dinner for the two of us.

Alex and I were seven months post high school graduation. He didn't get along with his mom and his dad was never in the picture, so he got a job our senior year and saved until he could afford his own place. He moved out the weekend of graduation into a small apartment right outside of our hometown. I was still living with my dad, but as soon as I got a real job and decided if college was in my cards, I was going to move in with him. I'd practically been living with him anyway since I turned eighteen about a month prior.

Alex had felt really down the last few months. He messed up in high school and never wanted to go to college, so he was stuck, trying to plan for a future that he was completely unsure of. He was working a dead end job as a mechanic that had him there for long hours for terrible pay. I was trying to play the good house girlfriend by cooking and cleaning while he was gone all day, considering we had been together for over four years now. No matter how good my efforts were, it all still seemed to be my fault we were in this position.

Since he'd been home from work he'd been moping on the couch, mindlessly flipping through TV channels. He was upset to see I was behind on dinner when he came home, but I'd had a terrible headache and overslept during my nap. As I finished up the chicken alfredo, I kept my head low and voice down, knowing that anything could set him off and I just wanted to have a good night.

"I'm too stressed to even think about that, I wouldn't count on me going. It's going to be my only day off that week," he sighs.

I tried to hide my disappointment. He requested that day off so he could be with me that day. I understood why he felt the way he felt, but since he'd started working a year and a half ago, all dates and hang outs outside of the house had been put to a halt.

"Oh, okay. I understand. Just let me know if you change your mind." I put our made plates of food on the kitchen table and let him know it was ready.

We ate in silence until I decided to break it. "That's too bad, my mom's parents will be there and they've been dying to meet you," I said in between bites.