Voodoo [H.S.]

Nineteen

August 18th, 2022

A lot can change in a month.

I've been starting to feel like I'm finally finding my groove here in Seattle. Only took me four months, but it's nice to be here. I've felt a lot more like myself than I have in a long time and it's a really nice change of pace.

Although my nightmares still haven't stopped, I haven't seen Alex in my apartment again and I'll take that as a win. At least with the nightmares when I wake up he's gone. I'm slowly learning what my triggers are and how to care for myself afterwards. There are times I still feel like I'm being followed or watched, but I've talked myself out of it being anything serious and chalked it up to still being paranoid over what happened last month.

I have a good balance of routine and spontaneity in my life right now. My schedule at work isn't technically set, but for the last two and a half weeks I've been working the exact same days and shifts and it's been great for me to actually find a life outside of work and Eddie's. Gianna, Joey, and I have been hanging out more at other places that are not Eddie's, for no particular reason.

We've also been hanging out with someone somewhat new.

Niall.

It started out with Niall calling Gianna to go out with him, to which Gianna politely declined which she later explained she just "wasn't feeling it" but did still invite him out to lunch with all of us one day. From there, he just starting showing up every few times to different things we did. Niall is really sweet, just a happy to be there kind of guy. Very laid back and puts down beer like it's a competition.

No sign of Louis though, which I'm not exactly sad about.

Sometimes I do think about how against Harry is of their mere existence, but I know it's probably just some stupid dick size competition. There is a part of me that feels like I hold back a bit when Niall is around, just in case.

Speaking of Harry, I haven't spoken to him since that day at Voodoo last month.

About a week after that awful day, Harry sent me a text. Two words, that mean absolutely nothing to me and therefore I haven't responded.

I'm sorry.

I have nothing to say to him. Time and time again his actions and words have proven to me that he doesn't give a shit about me. I mean at this point he's said it to me more than once so now I'm taking the hint. I'm done.

But I can't say there isn't a part of me that misses him. He would fit so well into our little group and bring that different sort of light I think everyone needs. I miss Zayn too. He was always so fun to hang out with and him and his goofy attitude would mesh so well with us.

Zayn and I do text occasionally, which I'm sure Harry doesn't know about.  We usually just send pictures of our own artwork, and I think it's kind of our way to check up on each other without actually asking. I send him my finished pieces of jewelry and he sends me sketches from his sketch book. His artwork astounds me and it almost makes me borderline angry when I get something comparable to Leonardo Da Vinci with a message following up to it saying "rough draft :)".