Voodoo [H.S.]

Thirteen

June 29th, 2022

Harry did not get me out of the dinner.

However he did get put on janitor duty at work much to his dismay and my amusement for trying to interfere while I got a very stern talking to from Zayn over spilling the details to Harry. Zayn forgave me quickly and also apologized for putting me in a situation where I would have to lie like that and he promised never again at least.

Which leads me to now. Dressed and ready to go while I try to keep my coffee down and read this script until I can recite every little thing on the pages word for word. I got to that point late last night after I decided I wasn't going to get any sleep but now that I'm only a few minutes away from Zayn picking me up to go to the restaurant I feel like I've forgotten everything, including my own name. I probably should have ate real food before heading out to this dinner but there was no way I was going to be able to stomach anything solid.

Aside from my sweat soaked hands that are leaving indents on the piece of paper in front of me, physically I look amazing. Zayn put into my head that distraction could be a great tactic when trying to persuade someone, so I took his advice and pulled out a dress that I never thought I'd be able to wear again for the occasion. It's an emerald green satin dress with a corset top and it's about calf length with a slit going all the way up my right thigh, stopping just below the crease in my thigh, paired with black pumps that make me close to six feet tall, giving me that aura of power that I thrive off of.

When I was in middle and high school a lot of my favorite physical features now are things I used to be made fun of for. I've always been insecure about being on the bigger side, my thighs and butt were always too big, the pouch my stomach makes in tight clothing was always an eyesore, I was always too tall for all my crushes, and my boobs were always too small.

I was a part of the generation that watched the switch from skinny being "in" in fashion to chubby being "in". I didn't understand it, it felt like overnight seventeen year old me went from being called fat to being called "thick" and it being a good thing. It never settled right with me, knowing that the fashion industry has such a hold on women's bodies that our bodies are subject to being a fashion trend. Being a bigger girl, it just made me feel like no matter what I would always be under scrutiny in some way.

As I've gotten older, I've realized that following body trends is horribly unhealthy of course, and I've found beauty in myself through a lot of self reflection and healing. I'll never be one hundred percent there, but I'm confident in myself.

And damn do I look good in this dress.

I even did my hair for the occasion, throwing some loose curls in and pinning the top half back a bit messily to give it a certain look. My makeup is dark, darker than I've ever worn it before with bright red lipstick that clashed with my hair a bit, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm sure Mr. Big Scary Drug Dealer isn't going to care.