Voodoo [H.S.]

Twelve

June 26th, 2022

I feel a little bad that I left Zayn to deal with the situation with Cassie, but not really.

I needed time to myself, to think about this piece of information that was uncovered about her. Something just isn't sitting right with me. She said she was in an accident, a bad one. One that made national news. I have to wonder what the accident was. "Accidents" don't just show up on news like that outside of locally for no reason. "Accidents" don't make you feel the need to change your name and leave the state.

She definitely doesn't seem open to talking about it either. I'm almost positive her shit has nothing to do with us.  If she were undercover or something, we would have all gone down that day she was looking for Zayn. Cassie is just a mystery I'm trying to figure out and I'm worried I won't like what I find.

I also noticed she can take a lot of shit. When things go bad, she takes a step back and bounces back quickly. That has to mean something, right? Only someone who's seen some shit would be able to do something like that so easily.

I feel like I'm starting a game of connecting all the dots but I don't know what they're connected to.

It doesn't help that I've been trying so hard to ignore the pit in my stomach when I think about her. At first, I was really annoyed by her loud personality. It was easy to see she didn't give a fuck what other people thought of her and she was going to do whatever she wanted regardless. That irked me. It got under my skin. All I could see was some girl dripping with confidence and privilege. That's part of why I started that stupid fight with her on her balcony. I was on my way to do Jim's dirty work and there she was crying. It felt so trivial.

The more I've been around Cassie, the more I've realized that's probably not true. She is confident, but it's drawing me into her more now.  She looks at the world around her like she just put on a pair of glasses after being blind her entire life. She's fun and her laugh is infectious and she's so incredibly kind to everyone she meets even when they don't deserve it. Like me.

There's something about her that has me feeling like a lost puppy.

I hate it.

Cassie is a dream to look at, which also doesn't help. And the way she just fell into me so perfectly when we fucked in the bathroom. Definitely not my best moment, but I don't regret it.

Snap out of it.

I rub my eyes and lean back on my couch with my tea in my hand. My brain feels like mush. Nothing feels right.

It's Sunday and I'm off work today. I have plans to work on some side projects and hopefully distract myself from my mind running a million miles a minute. I've been thinking on this all night and into the morning, I barely slept a few hours last night.