Voodoo [H.S.]

Seventeen

tw: panic attack, violent description, mentions of emotional abuse
July 6th, 2022

Fuck Harry Styles.

Fuck every part of him.

Who does he think he is? No one talks to me like that. After what I went through with Alex I refuse to allow anyone to disrespect me and get away with it.

Which is why I've decided that today I'm marching my ass over to Voodoo to demand answers.

I thought we were having a good time. I found myself really liking him, despite the small amount of information I know about him. Even with the small amount of information he shared about himself, I found myself completely entranced by him.

He's so intelligent it's intimidating. I'd babble on about something unimportant and he'd respond in such a poetic way it made me want to never speak again.

I wanted to listen to him laugh for forever. I did everything I could last night to bring out his cackle, showing his adorable bunny teeth and dimples.

There were so many times I would forget what I was saying because when Harry listens, he really listens. The way he makes eye contact and completely stops anything he's doing when I'm speaking was something else. That may sound like the bare minimum, but I've just never had a person make me feel so heard.

The amount of times I had to hold myself back from grabbing his hand or brushing his curls out of his face drove me to near insanity. I wanted him to go at his own pace with the physical contact and I was willing to be patient.

I just wanted to crack his hard exterior.

Now I just want to crack his head like an egg.

Fuck. Harry. Styles.

How dare he bring up my mother and the abuse I went through. I know I was asking questions about his home life, something he seemed to steer away from, but the majority of the night was spent with me talking and him just listening. I don't know if it was nerves or what, but how can you expect to ask someone on a date and not talk about yourself.

After I got home last night after a very scary drive home since I was crying so hard I could barely see and on top of that I had smoked my body weight in weed, I called Gianna right away. She told me I need to just let him go. Give him his space and take my own, and maybe in the future we can revisit but right now we need to let the emotions run their course.

But that's just not my style.

I need to know what the point of last night was. Why did he go through all that effort for me if he wasn't going to follow through with anything. Why did he think it was okay to say what he said.

Part of me was hoping he would chase after me, like in some cheesy romantic comedy. But that could never be my life.

I'm aware that I'm a train wreck of a person. Everywhere I go my past follows me and dares to take anyone I get close to down with them. I don't deserve that kind of movie love and I've accepted that a long time ago. But I do deserve basic respect and decency.