Who Are You?

~Epilogue~

~Epilogue~

Having to go back home to leave behind my dream job was devastating in itself. But to go home to find out you have cancer just makes it worse. Coming out of a domestic abuse situation with my son's father, I had no choice but to go home. My parents welcomed me and my son, Spencer, into their home over five years ago. Spencer had to learn that it wasn't okay to verbally abuse people let alone not to put his hands on a woman. That was the hardest decision I ever made in my life. He was thirteen when we left during the middle of the night while his dad was gone away for work, to never look back.

Having been a musician and vocalist since I was a kid, I found solace in music. I had listened to all types of music, but metal music was my comfort zone. Spencer asked for a guitar when he was fourteen and learned how to play by ear. The kid was a genius. Luckily, he looked like me and not his father. Spencer was a natural redhead with curls for days. I had grey eyes, which was very rare. Spencer had green eyes. We looked like my mother, Breena. She was a retired schoolteacher, so she was able to help me with Spencer all throughout school until he graduated this past May.

I wanted to clip my wings when he graduated from high school and went off to college. He ended up choosing to go to a local community college before moving on to a university. He received a scholarship that allowed him to live in the dorms, but he did come home on the weekends still. Last year, I had a chance to work at The Fillmore in New Orleans. My parents agreed to let me try it, even though Spencer had not graduated yet.

We lived an hour outside of New Orleans, right on the edge of Louisiana, in a small Mississippi town. I became quick friends with Meredith when I went to work there. She had an extra bedroom in her home, and she begged me to stay with her since her kids were grown. Once again, my parents agreed to let me stay with the understanding that if I were needed at home, I would come home. Spencer understood why I wanted to give this a try. Spencer was more protective of me than I realized.

After working at The Fillmore for about six months, I became ill and couldn't get well. Meredith begged me to go to the doctor. Finally going, and a battery of tests, it was the CT Scan that caught it. I had thyroid cancer. I was devastated. I moved back home to deal with it. AJ promised I could come back when I was ready. Surgery and chemo took care of the problem. I lost my hair in the process. I had naturally thick and curly hair. When it started falling out, my friend from high school that did my hair for me told me to come see her.

"Trust me," she said.

She literally cut all my hair off. After the surgery, I found out that the cancer was wrapped around my vocal cords. I couldn't talk for three days. I laid in that hospital bed and wept for three days straight. Knowing I would never be able to sing like I used to broke my heart. They said I would get my voice back and I did. I never could reach those high notes like I used to, but with practice, I could reach soprano two notes.

Spencer was in a rock band with his buddies. One day he heard me singing and came into my room.

"So, mom, would you like for me to teach you how to do unclean vocals? I bet you can do it."

"Sure, why not, Spence."

He told me to start watching female metal singers and taught me the basics.

"Oh, and by the way," he said before he walked out of my bedroom. "I know you're struggling with your weight, but you'll always be beautiful to me, mama."

Well, that just made me cry. It sucks when medication keeps weight on you. I had to work extra hard getting that weight off. When I felt well enough, a friend of mine helped me get a job in the marketing department with a locally owned business. It had great insurance, benefits, etc. Here I went trying to rebuild my life once again. Meredith and I stayed in touch all the time. She came up several times when I was sick to visit with me.

Spencer taught me how to video and edit short videos. I began putting them up on my Facebook page as well as the TikTok he created for me. Every time I started growing my hair out, my friends would tell me stop. They loved the short, edgy hairstyle on me. Eventually, Khrystle, my friend from high school convinced me to put a vivid color in my hair. Starting out with a cotton candy pink, it was a hit. The company I worked for, and my immediate supervisor didn't have a problem with it.

During my chemo and recovery, Spencer started introducing me to new music. He introduced me to Miss May I, Dayseeker, Currents, Caskets and my absolute favorite of the bunch ~ Bad Omens.