If I Feel I Want To Die

Chapter 11

“Is someone going to be picking you up?” Ayan asked.

“I don’t think so. I think I’ll have to call Gumpa to get me or I’ll just walk,” Yok said with a shrug.

“They won’t let me go on my own. I have to wait for Khan and Wat to get me,” Ayan said.” Apparently, they worry if I go on my own, I’ll try to attempt suicide, despite me being fine now.”

Before Yok could respond, a nurse came and gave both Yok and Ayan their normal clothes. The two quickly changed and were led off the unit and to a locker area where they were given their cellphones, and Yok was given his cigarettes and lighter.

Soon enough they were led to a lobby area where Khan, Wat, and much to Yok’s surprise Dan were waiting.

“Dan?!?” Yok said as he ran over to him with a big smile.” I thought you were too busy to come get me?”

“I was able to get time off so I could come get you,” Dan explained. His eyes shone as he and Yok stared into each other’s faces and warmth radiated from them.

In contrast, Ayan felt a chill come over him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit betrayed. From seeing them interact, he could just tell that Yok and Dan were close. He could also tell they had history with each other. Ayan knew he and Yok had been apart for a long time, and it shouldn’t be surprising that Yok found someone else. Still, It hurt him to see how Yok was smiling and staring at Dan with love-filled eyes, eyes Ayan once thought would be reserved only for him.

He blinked and tried to suppress the tears from escaping. “Is that your boyfriend?” Ayan asked, trying his best not to sound hurt.

Yok turned to face Ayan and nodded a bit, almost shyly.

“Yeah. Ayan, this is Dan.. Dan, this is Ayan. We went to high school together, ” Yok said, completely oblivious to the hurt expression on Ayan’s face.

Ayan forced a smile. “It was nice meeting you, Dan, but I think I’m going to go now. I want to head back home and sleep in a bed I’m familiar with,” Ayan said quietly.

Ayan hurriedly turned away from Yok and his boyfriend and began to walk to Khan’s car as quickly as he could. Khan and Wat followed after him. They watched the entire exchange in the lobby and knew something was wrong.

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As soon as they were driving away from the hospital, Ayan began to cry. As he sobbed, his mind raced with painful thoughts. He couldn’t believe he thought Yok would love him, would wait for him. He couldn’t believe he let himself be vulnerable again to someone who’d already left him once. Above all, he couldn’t believe Yok let him believe he had a chance, a chance to pick up where they left off at Suppalo. Instead, while Ayan had only held Akk in his heart, Akk (or rather Yok) had given his love to someone else. Ayan felt so betrayed.