If I Feel I Want To Die

chapter 34

Once Jade was certain Nong was asleep, he turned and quickly made his way out of the room. As he walked, he kept his eyes fixed on the open doorway in front of him and ignored the tendrils of memories that reached out and implored him to linger a bit longer in that time-capsule of his childhood. Jade clawed the dark tendrils back with a sharp NO before increasing his speed and quickly crossing the threshold between Nong’s room and the hallway. As soon as his feet cleared the threshold, he grabbed the doorknob to Nong’s room and shut the door with a definitive click. Only after the door was firmly closed did he allow a shaky sigh of relief to escape him. Only for you, Nong. Only for you.

Jade grimaced and leaned against the wall for support, taking a few moments to calm his frazzled nerves and brush aside the fragments of the past still clinging to him. Once the sick feeling in his stomach became a bit easier to manage, he stood and walked swiftly down the hallway, paying little attention to his surroundings. His only focus was leaving the house as quickly as possible. Once I make it past the shoreline, I’m free. I can’t waste this chance. Nong is counting on me. The closed doors of his sibling’s rooms felt like eyes watching him, like he was a prisoner making an escape and at any moment he’d be caught and locked up again. Heaviest of all was the steely, disapproving glare of Yok’s phoenix, Jade’s final obstacle before leaving the hall of doors. “Who are you to take my place? You already had your chance,” it seemed to say. Jade inhaled sharply and raised his chin in defiance. “If you want to stop me, asshole,” he taunted, “take ownership for our shit and stop hiding in your room like a damn coward.”

Silence.

Jade laughed bitterly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he muttered. “Fuck you, too, Yok. Whatever happens next, remember you only have yourself to blame.”

He spun sharply on his heels and walked into the living room, grinning when he noticed the front door was still wide open. Nothing can stop me now, he thought. His excitement surged through his veins like electricity and set his heart racing with a sudden hit of dopamine. After giving the living room a quick once over and peeking over his shoulder just in case — N’Curse had a nasty habit of sneaking up behind him — he skipped happily to the front door and towards the wonderful world of the great beyond.

Just as his feet touched the deck, a strong hand grabbed the back of his shirt and slammed him hard against the wall. Jade cursed as the breath was knocked out of him. Getting his back slammed into the wall didn’t hurt, not like it would in the real world, but it was still damn annoying. Even more annoying was the personality doing the slamming.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Curse demanded.

His fingers gripped Jade’s shoulder and dug into the loosely-woven polyester of his mesh shirt in such a violent way that, if this wasn’t Mindspace, Jade would’ve been worried about the delicate material ripping in two. But since this was Mindspace, and his outfit, along with everything else, was purely a mental construct, he wasn’t worried about his overly aggressive kid brother ripping his favorite fishnet top. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still pissed off though. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

“Out,” Jade replied sharply. His lips curved into a confident smirk. “Nong agreed to switch with me.”

Curse narrowed his eyes. "You can’t be serious. He asked you?”

Jade shrugged lazily. It was a half-shrug because his other shoulder was still pinned to the wall. “Well, it’s more like I volunteered.”

Curse scoffed. “Now, that I believe. So what’s your angle this time? You can’t honestly expect me to believe you offered yourself as a Yok stand-in? Altruism isn’t exactly your style, Jade.”