If I Feel I Want To Die

chapter 29

Ocean waves lapped against the shoreline, as seagulls screeched and swooped overhead. The air felt balmy but cool. The deep-blue of the sky was already giving way to blushes of orange and pink. In the center of it all, Nong kneeled in the damp sand, building a castle. In this otherwise timeless realm, playing in the sand was one of his favorite ways to pass the time. Armed with his small, yellow bucket and blue shovel, the dark-haired boy filled the sandy landscape with endless castles, turtles, dolphins, and every other creature he could imagine.

The castle was almost done now. After adding the last of the pretty feathers and seashells for decoration, Nong stood up to admire his handiwork.

“Hmm... something’s missing…Oh! Silly, I forgot to add the moat.”

He dropped to his knees and cheerfully started digging a moat around his castle. He was so caught up in his work that he didn't hear his older brother approach. Suddenly, a foot appeared out of nowhere and knocked his castle down, reducing it to a shapeless pile of sand once again.

"Hey! No fair," Nong shouted as he turned to glare at the culprit.

Jade grinned and tweaked his nose. “Life isn’t fair, kid. You gotta learn to pay attention to your surroundings."

“Meanie,” Nong muttered, pouting when his mischievous Phi only laughed, ruffled the child’s hair, and sat down on the sand with a heavy sigh.
Nong ignored the red-haired menace and began shoveling sand back in his bucket to begin reconstruction on his sandcastle.

“Hey.”

Nong rolled his eyes and continued shoveling sand into his bucket.

“Hey,” Jade said, poking his cheek. “Look at me.”

The younger boy huffed but kept his eyes glued to his bucket.

“Nonggg,” came the singsongy voice.

The boy turned sharply to glare at his older brother. “What now, Phi?” Then his glare faded when he saw Jade was sitting with his arms outstretched. The teen’s eyes were still teasing, but there was also a subtle gentleness and warmth in his gaze that Nong knew was only reserved for him.

“You forgot my hug,” Jade said with a slight pout. “I’ve been gone for years, and you care more about a damn sandcastle than your own brother.”

Nong laughed and launched himself onto Jade’s lap and into his waiting arms. The older boy groaned at the sudden impact.

“Woah! Careful, or you’ll knock us both over, you brat.”

Nong giggled and nuzzled his head against his brother’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of roses and vanilla. In this world, Nong was much smaller—about half the size of his adult body—so when he sat on Jade's lap, the top of his head fit comfortably under the teen’s chin. The young boy took a few moments to get situated and then leaned against his brother’s chest with a happy sigh. Jade responded by wrapping his arms around the kid and holding him close.

For several moments, neither said a word, preferring to cuddle silently and listen to the steady crash of the waves against the shoreline and watch the sky fill with the colors of sunset. Then, suddenly, Jade broke the silence: “So, tell me, how’s the surface world treating you?”

Nong shrugged as he absentmindedly played with Jade’s long fingers . "It’s okay. Mom and P’Dan are both busy, so I’m living at Hia’s garage now. Hia makes sure I have lots of papers to color, lollipops to eat, and fun things to do. And Mom and P’Dan visit a lot, so I don’t feel lonely much. Oh! And today we had pizza for lunch, and Aye was there, too. I told him we were sorry for scaring him, and guess what? He forgave us for the fight, sat with me while I colored, and even tucked me in for nap time .”