I Wish It Would Rain (Currently Being ReWritten)

Chapter 1 : The Therapist Friend

"My life is so hard! I'M TIRED OF BEING THE STUPID THERAPIST FRIEND! THE ONE EVERYONE VENTS TO! I'M NEVER ASKED IF I'M OK! I'M NEVER THOUGHT OF, I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY? I'M SUPPOSED TO NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS, TO NEVER BE SAD?I'VE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH, YET I NEVER GET THE COMFORT AND SUPPORT I GIVE TO OTHERS! THE COMFORT AND SUPPORT THAT IS JUST EXPECTED FROM ME?!NO ONE ASKS ME IF I'M OKAY, BUT I HAVE TO ASK EVERYONE? "

"You have nothing to stress about! You're being so stupid! You are just acting "depressed" for attention! Your life is not hard! What problems do YOU have? You should be grateful! You're being really stupid, and you're getting on my nerves! "

" Mum, you don't understand! I go through so much! I'm a person that naturally struggles with anxiety and paranoia, and you know how stressful and anxious that makes me?! School stresses me so much! And... You know how much.. How much Demi
meant to me.... Heck you know what?! YOU STRESS ME OUT SO MUCH! YOU PRESSURE ME TO GET PERFECT GRADES IN SCHOOL, TO BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME, TO NEVER BE STRESSED, TO NEVER VENT, TO NEVER CRY, YOU ALWAYS EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME! YOU... YOU TELL ME I'M WORTHLESS, TO JUST GET OVER EVERYTHING, THAT I'M STUPID, YOU FORCE ME TO DO EVERYTHING I DON'T WANT TO AND FORBID ME FROM DOING WHAT I ACTUALLY DO WANT TO!"

" YOU ARE SO DAMN CONTROLLING AND YOU NEVER ACT LIKE A GOOD MOTHER TOWARDS ME! "

" EXCUSE ME?! I HELD YOU FOR 9 MONTHS! I BROUGHT YOU INTO  THIS WORLD AND I SHOULD REALLY TAKE YOU OUT OF IT! YOU ARE SUCH A BRAT AND ATTENTION SEEKER! YOU HAVE IT SO EASY! YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF! I PAY THE BILLS! "YOU NEVER WORK HARD!GOD YOU'RE THE WORST CHILD EVER!"

"Wow, you really just slapped me. You're just proving my point mum, you're physically abusive too! You're the worst mum ever! I've tried so hard to forgive you, to love you, to convince myself maybe you just have unresolved trauma, but no! You're just a terrible person, and a terrible mother! "

" DON'T YOU DARE WALK AWAY FROM ME! "

" WATCH ME 'MOTHER!' "

God, I hate her! Why can't anyone understand?! I just want to be heard for once... To be an actual human being....

I storm upstairs to my room, shutting the door behind me with a sigh. I scan my room, my eyes landing on the book my dad sent me as a gift a while ago. I slowly approached the desk, reaching out for the book. I run my hands over the simple black cover as I think to myself. Gosh I miss my dad, but I'm so thankful for the gifts he sends me every once I'm awhile. He knows me too well, he even sent the book with a plain cover because he knows I'll decorate it with my hoard of art supplies and little decorations.

You know,maybe I can use this book as a... What was it called? Journal! People use to use it to write their thoughts and feelings...well in the 2020's though... Things now are different to how they were then. Maybe I should try it, I mean I have no one else to vent to...

Okay, here goes nothing..

Dear Journal Therapist
I can't really vent to anyone else, so um, you're going to be my therapist. I'm Rasmiona. I'm 18 and this is my last year of high school. God.. Am I really introducing myself to a book? Well I recently have been.. Going through things. I lost someone very close to me and aside from that... my mum has always been emotionally and physically abusive.

I'm also the therapist friend. The one everyone vents to and tells their problems to... I hate it. Because I can never vent, I can never talk about my problems. I can never not be okay. It's frustrating and I hate it. I just wish someone would understand me, and listen to me for once, ask me if I'm okay for once..

On a more happier note, I've been learning a lot about a bunch of cool animals that went extinct a reallyyyyy long time ago. Ooh and I learnt alot about some cool plants. Vaxivian and I, oh by the way Vaxivian is one of my best friends. She's the same age as me and she loves stuff from the past, like from the 2020's and before that too. Oh and also, my other best friend, Mika, loves mythology and all that!

So, recently we were meeting up and talking all about that stuff! Those two really cheer me up. We met when we were in the first year of middle school, when we were partnered together for a project, and well at first it was awkward, because we didn't know each other and we were all introverts,but after that, we hit it off!

All of us are still really introverted now though. It's currently 10:30 PM and I should be going to sleep considering that I have school tomorrow, but I probably won't be able to sleep anyway. I'm an insomniac, so yeah. This is actually helping! I feel better.. And I'm expressing my feelings.. Even if it's to a book. My cats, Luna and Artemis are sitting on my lap as I write this. I love my cats so much! They also cheer me up.

I named them Luna and Artemis because Vaxivian introduced me to this old thing, called anime, and a really old anime called Sailor Moon. In Sailor Moon, there's these two cats, Luna and Artemis. My cats look like them to, so I named them Luna and Artemis!

I'm going to hop in my bed and try to sleep, because World Memory Day is coming up. World Memory Day is this special holiday and event we have, where we gather in a school and reflect on the past. We talk about the past and look at objects and people from the past. It happens every 3 years. This year, it's being held at my school, so we're going to do alot of preparations.

That's all for now...
Thanks for letting me vent...
This is stupid...

~~~~~~~~~Timeskip~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ugh, is it already 5am?I literally only got 1 hour of sleep.. Well now I have to get ready and go freshen up, change and eat.

Hmmm.... What should I wear? Should I wear a hoodie or a sweater or something else? Well, it looks cloudy and dark outside, I guess I'll go with the hoodie. I'll just wear jeans and boots..

Now that I'm done eating, let me check if the bus arrived. It didn't. Ugh. I guess I'll go wait outside.

Finally the bus is here! Oh Vaxivian is on the bus today!

"Hey Vax!" "Oh hey Rasmiona! How are you girl? You ready for today?"  "Yeah! World Memory Day preparations are going to start today, ugh that's going to be alot."  "Yeah, but, look on the bright side, we won't have as much actual schoolwork to do! I can't wait for this year World Memory Day!"

The bus drive was long and boring, and Vax could not stop going on about World Memory Day. I was dozing off most of the time, but I pretended I was listening. When I got to school, we straight away started with the WMD preparations.Some people were excited, others bored, and some weren't even paying attention to the fact it's almost WMD and didn't even help with the preparations!

Finally, I'm home! Mum isn't here... As always. I'm just gonna head upstairs and go write in that diary..

Dear Diary Therapist
Today was an exhausting day, and I'm so tired. I feel like just.. Crying my heart out... My stupid friends have this crazy idea. They're want to do something really stupid on WMD(World Memory Day). Today marks a month since... Demi...

Anyway... Um, today was a longer day, since we were prepping. I get to choose all kinds of cool plants to decorate Town Hall! I'm excited for that!I hope my friends and I don't get into trouble for what they want to do... But also, I've been questioning something recently.. Um it's.. Hard to talk about, or write about though, it's embarrassing.. It's about.. One of my friends..

You know what I'm just gonna change the subject! I've been really pressured recently... With school.. It's hard being the smart, gifted kid... I'm pressured and expected to always do outstanding, and... I hate the attention, and the anxious feeling of not doing good enough and... I just hate it.

Anyway, I'm tired so I'm gonna try to take a nap.

That's all for now.