Still No Apologies

A Woman's Place is in the Home, Right?

One kid from church told me (kind of smugly) that it is wrong for women to work to support their family because their husbands should do that, and women should stay at home. That made me very mad at that time, but I remained calm because I did not believe it. I asked him where in the Bible he saw that verse. He told me he thought it was somewhere in Philemon (which doesn't make sense based on what Philemon is about). Philemon is a very short book, and I read it a couple times, and found no such verse. It is possible that I remembered this wrong, or that he meant Titus.

Titus 2:4-5- "In this way they can train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, managers of their households, kind, and subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be discredited."

Well, at first it looks pretty bad for women aspiring to acquire, or keep, a job of their own. And it looks pretty bad for stay-at-home dads. Basically, it looks pretty bad for my family.

But with all verses, context is very important. Does Paul mean that women should always be in the house, or does he mean that when they are in the home, they should manage their houses well so their husbands don't have stinky socks lying all around, and the kids running and screeching like a bunch of monkeys?

In 1 Timothy 5:13, Paul gives advice to widows to not walk around between their houses and others, gossiping and getting nothing done at their own homes. Is this a clue to what Paul means in Titus? This verse is aimed towards widows (who may have had more time on their hands without a whole household to look after), but I think it's safe to assume this would apply to married women as well.

How about Proverbs 31, where it talks about a wise wife with great character. This woman is a woman of all trades. Read it, she does everything, including business. She builds up her home and supports her husband.

Proverbs 31:15-18:

"She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night."

Notice: She provides food for her family (It seems to me this is more than fixing dinner, as she gets up while it is still night. It is possible that "night" could mean while it is still dark, so she could be fixing breakfast, but I do not think that is the point).

Many Christians think it is inherently wrong for a woman to be a breadwinner. Why? God has no problem with a woman doing business, planting a vineyard, providing food for her family, trading, and vigorously working. Why should we?

The biblical woman is supposed to be her husband's helper, and to submit to him. Does a woman being the breadwinner of a family distort this commandment? I don't see how.

Another thing I found out while I was reading Proverbs:

Proverbs 7:10-13a talks about a woman...

"With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart.
She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.
At times she was outside, at times in the open square,
Lurking at every corner.
So she caught him and kissed him..."

Notice how "Her feet would not stay at home." Perhaps this is part of why women were supposed to stay at home. The connotation of a woman loitering outside her house was not a good one. Women who "lurked at every corner" were always ready to lure a man into bed with them. I am pretty sure the average employed woman's job outside of the home is not to lurk in corners, trying to kiss strangers.

Lastly, there is the example of Lydia, a wealthy businesswoman who accepted the Gospel and showed hospitality to Paul on his mission trip in Philippi. Little is mentioned about Lydia, but her business is never condemned and her resources, at least at one point if not part of the generosity of the Phillippian church, are used to support Paul and his friends during their stay.

To conclude, I don't see anywhere in the Bible where a woman is condemned for having a career. Rather, this kind of productivity is praised as wisdom, and the money she earns can be used to further the Gospel. In the Bible, women are simply commanded to not gossip or lurk around corners. Instead, they are to build up their own home and be wise and productive. That sounds like good advice to me.

I also feel the need to mention the following: There is nothing wrong or shameful about being a stay-at-home mom. I think our culture has taught us all (men and women alike) to believe that the entire reason for our existence as humans is to have a career, and if you are a woman without a career, you are inferior and even unintelligent. After all, we spend our lives learning not to raise children, but to have a certain career of our choosing. I see many stay-at-home moms on the internet saying things like "I am just a stay-at-home mom," regretting that they have lost potential, or otherwise downplaying their very important role in society. To me, this is ridiculous.

Name a more important occupation than raising children. I can't think of any. People who put career before family are the kind of folks who would- on their deathbed- wish they spent more time in the office. Raising children well requires skill of every kind: patience, emotional intelligence, wisdom, physical strength, and intellectual ability as well (especially if you homeschool). Can you imagine how much better society would be if parents took their job of raising kids seriously and didn't just see it as a hindrance?

I will always be grateful that I can choose between having an education, a career, and a family. I am happy I can be self-sufficient and look for a good husband without having to settle for a man who can't be trusted to take care of a goldfish. I am happy I am able to pursue a career as a neuroscientist. But even I admit that staying at home with my kids is quite tempting and is truly the most important job a person can have.