Besitos

16

Our next set sucks.

We were late to our rehearsal, Lila's favourite guitar broke, one of our tech goes lost part of my drum kit and we only found it within seconds of going on, our energy was shit, I was too focused on Vic, and then I was too focused on ignoring Ray who was staring at me the whole time and not in a good way and I ended up messing up one beat. Lila was late to start off a song which caused an awkward riff between us all. It was all a fucking mess.

Our fans can feel the fact that we're not at our best either which bums us out more since we've been having such a great time lately. We feel like we're letting everyone down.

"God that was awful." Mac says as we get back into our dressing room.

"Worst performance by far." Lila grumbles. "Worse than the time we were high on stage."

"Can't wait to get back to the bus." Mac says. He turns and looks at me, his eyes softening. "You good?"

I haven't told him that Vic knows about us. I'm not sure if I even should. But I guess its best to hear it from me than have Vic yell at him or something.

"Yeah, I'm good." I say. "Just tired and disappointed by that."

"At least we sucked as a team." Mac says with a smile, clearly trying to cheer us up.

I glance out our dressing room door and see PTV walking up to go get ready for their set. Vic looks into the room for a second, then looks away quickly as our eyes meet.

Before I can stop myself I'm headed towards the door to talk to him. I need to know that we're okay, or even that he is.

"Back in the room." Ray says, his voice cutting me off before I even see him coming.

"I just need to talk-"

"You need to get back in your dressing room so I can talk to you guys." he says, his voice already angry.

I avert my gaze, placing it onto the floor and walking back inside. Admitting defeat isn't easy but I don't want to chance my luck. Especially since it feels like any luck I've had lately has run out.

The door slams shut behind Ray, leaving us trapped in with him.

"What happened out there?" he asks us.

We all know this is a trap. If we say something was wrong with our instruments, he'll ask why we didn't alert a tech. If we say we weren't feeling good physically he'll ask why we're not at our best. If we say we weren't feeling good mentally he'll ask why we didn't take a pill to calm us down or hype us up. There is no reason good enough for him, its all an excuse.

"Have you guys gone deaf due to your shitty music, or do you not have anything to say?" he asks, his annoyance growing.

"It was just a bad night." Lila says.

"No that wasn't a bad night, it was fucking terrible," he says and slams his hand down on the table next to him.

"Man, no need to get like this." Mac says.

I can tell he's tired of this more than we are. He's had enough of Ray's shit and honestly I don't blame him. Still, he can stand up against Ray in a way that Lila and I can't and he knows it.

"It was one bad set." Mac continues. "Next show will be better."

"If you even get a next show." Ray says. "You guys never think."

"We're on tour, theres going to be a next show." Lila says.

"You think we can't pull the tour midway through?" he asks with a laugh. "Its easier than you think."

"Ray, come on. It was a single bad show." I say against my better instincts.

"You," he says pointing at me. "shut up. I don't wanna hear it."

"Give us hell then." Mac says. "We're listening."

And boy does he ever. For the next 35 minutes Ray lays into us about how shitty our music is and how our attitudes are the worst. He tells us that when he first started working with us he didn't think we'd suck this bad but we outdid ourselves. He says that he could've been with a better band, even PTV would've sufficed. He only took us on as a band because he liked our look but clearly our look doesn't represent our talent.

Its nothing we haven't heard before so I'm really not paying attention. I'm not even surprised when he says that after this tour he's going to leave us. He said that last time. And the time before. Pretty much every single week he tells us that he's done and leaving. Its like an abusive relationship. Well I guess since he pushed me that it is an abusive one...

"Either perform better or don't show up next set." he says and walks out the door slamming it behind him.

"Such a dick." Lila says once the door closes.

"Yeah, dude, he's been really off lately." Mac says.

"I heard Erica wants a divorce." Lila says quickly. "I overhead him on the phone the other day, but I don't think I'm supposed to know, so don't say anything."

"I dont blame her." Mac says. "He sucks."

I wonder if the call was after my altercation with him. Maybe he was just pissed about that and took it out on me. Not that its an excuse to push me or anything, but still. At least its nice to know that he was upset about other things than just me. Its one less problem I've brought on myself.

"Bus?" Lila asks us. "I wanna play some Just Dance."

"You and your fucking Wii." I say and give her a little push.

Once we step into the hall we can hear PTVs set more clearly. Theyre playing one of my fave songs, Song for Isabelle. Its such a sweet song and the lyrics are deeper than they sound.

"Hey, you coming?" Lila asks, seeing me stopped at the door.

"Uh," I hesitate. "I think I might go watch their set for a little. At least this song."

"Suit yourself." Mac says as he throws an arm around Lila's shoulders. "See ya later."

My heart pounds as I make my way up to see them play. I know that Vic wont notice me, but the other guys might and I don't know if Vic told them what I did. I hope not.

As usual Vic looks great on stage. He's wearing a shirt that stops at the shoulders, showing his great arms off.

"Is there a train that travels back to yours at 5 a.m.?
Or are we walking?" Vic sings into the crowd who clearly love it.

I know its been two days but I miss him already. That voice doesn't help either. I shouldn't have cane to watch them.

I turn to leave but as I do, Vic turns and our eyes meet. Its clear he's surprised to see me there, and turns away.

He focuses on the crowd for a bit then turns back and faces me. His eyes harden on me and I know that these lyrics are dedicated to me.

"And I forgot to call you
I can't break you down
While I think about honey and the sweet New York sounds"

He breaks eye contact, but the message is clear. I'm not going to get a text soon. Or at all.