You Know Why (on hold till april 24)

Chapter 44: Anxiety rising

The day was here.

The final match.

I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, gasping as I tried to breathe. I hadn't gotten any sleep the entire night, only managing to fall asleep at around five in the morning. My insomnia was full blown at this point, and I couldn't find it in myself to productively do anything. Only then did I realize that I hadn't actually eaten anything since before my shift at the froyo shop the other day. I flinched as I remembered.

"Alex, what's wrong?" Asher asked.

I couldn't answer, trying to force some air into my lungs, but nothing was working. He forced me to look him in the eye, his hands on my shoulders. "Breathe. Just focus on letting the air in. Like you've been doing your entire life. Breathe Alex."

I tried to do what he said, but it was still too difficult. "Just look at me, okay? Focus on my voice."

I tried again, and this time it worked. It took a few minutes but I managed to get my breathing to a slower pace again. I just stayed there on the cool floor, and I could absentmindedly hear Asher moving around. He came back in front of me with a glass of water in his hand. I gladly drank it.

After that we just sat in silence, unsure of what to say. I felt so embarrassed. I can't believe Asher of all people had seen me like this. My ex. It's like inviting him to spit on my grave.

"Do you want me to give you a ride home?" He asked, still looking at me with worried eyes. "Thanks." I mumbled, as we both left the shop and he locked it behind me. He dropped me back home, not saying a word the entire time. I think he could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk. As I got out of the car he gave me one last smile, not even waiting for a thank you as he drove off.

I brought myself back to reality. God, I really hope Asher doesn't show up again. As helpful as he was last night, I'm not interested in getting woven into his web again. That would only bring even more chaos into my life.

I managed to pull myself out of bed and got changed as quickly as possible. I grabbed my sports kit as well, trudging downstairs to the kitchen where my mom was making waffles.

"Hey honey! Just wanted to wish you best of luck for the final game today. I made your favourite!"

"Thanks mom." I replied, tried to put the best smile on my face that I could. Hesitantly, I asked her the question I was thinking of since yesterday.

"Will dad be coming?"

She froze for a second, but quickly regained herself. "I'm not sure Alex, you'll have to ask him."

"But will you be there?"

"Of course." She smiled, giving me a kiss on the cheek, and adding more strawberries to my plate. Nick came down five minutes later and I drove us to school together. He wished me luck as well, and then went off to his first class.

I must look like shit, I thought, as I walked to English. I pulled out my phone only to stare at the same photo that was sent to me yesterday. The betrayal only stung me again, as I quickly put the phone away, pushing down the anger I felt bubbling up in my throat.

The thought of seeing Shawn in class made me want to throw up, so I decided to skip. I avoided all my friends for the entire day, hiding out in the library during lunch. Until finally, it was time for the match.

The entire school was buzzing with excitement all day. If anyone noticed that I wasn't to be seen at all, they didn't show it. They would probably think I was nervous or something. When I finally walked into the gymnasium, it was already packed with chattering students. A lot of parents and literally every teacher in the school had come to watch as well. I tried to scan the crowd for anyone that might be a recruiter, but I had no luck.