When will I be good enough?
Self-assured, outgoing and gregarious on the outside, Estella Lena Granger is the last person one would expect to be hiding a personal dilemma. But underneath her confident exterior, Estella struggles under the self-impos...
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"And the award goes to Miss Hermione Granger!"
The voice rang in her ears, a humming that numbed out all the applause and cheering in the audience.
Estella could see her bushy-haired twin sister bounding onto the stage with a beaming smile, her brown eyes wide with excitement. Hermione shook the deputy principal's hand and the woman handed her a gold medal of sorts with what Estella knew to have Hermione's name engraved on it.
Hermione's eyes scoured the audience as she made her way to the front of the stage to receive her applause. Not that she didn't already receive one.
As soon as the words entered her mind, Estella felt guilt course through her. She knew Hermione had worked hard for this award, that she had spent day after day memorising the coursework for her dedication to be rewarded with a perfect score on that fated test.
She knew that Hermione had been overjoyed to receive the paper with the bright red A+ marked on the top right-hand corner. Estella had praised Hermione's excellence and her parents had been no short of overcome with pride.
Hermione was brilliant and diligent and Estella had indeed pushed aside her envy to congratulate her twin.
But a part of her still whispered in her mind, Why couldn't I be like that too? Why am I not good enough?
Hermione's eyes finally caught her's and Estella forced a quick smile onto her face.
Hermione beamed in response but her perceptive eyes caught the frown tugging at Estella's lips and her brows furrowed. She knew that Estella had wanted this award too. Estella had long expressed her eagerness to excel in her test and perhaps achieve the best score in the year overall- but Hermione had beaten her and that was that.
I shouldn't have expected anything else. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Estella caught the reassuring look in Hermione's eyes and the almost pitying glance. She hated that look.
She had gotten that same look every time Hermione aced a test or answered a question with such accuracy that Miss Bulkard had given her a jubilant smile. Her classmates gave her that look, and even her teachers gave her that look.
It was the sympathetic, condolatory upturn of the lips and softness of their eyes that made Estella want to bury her face in her arms and disappear from her seat.
It was a reminder that no matter what, Hermione would always be better, a souvenir that Estella had neither wanted nor asked for.
Don't worry, it's just how things are, it always seemed to echo, It's always been this way so don't let it bother you.
Estella widened her smile and tried to wipe the regret out of her eyes. Don't ruin it for her. It's her special moment, let her enjoy it.
Hermione still looked unconvinced but she smiled for the audience, her eyes darting back to Estella every now and then in concern.
