MERLIN / MERTHUR ONESHOTS

Menace

shitpost :o

This is such an usual pairing,
not all too sure on it not gonna lie boys.

CW- Language, blame
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"MERLIN!"
Arthur yelled across the castle, his face red and his eyes burning.
"SIRE!"
Merlin yells back, sliding into the room and crashing against the table.
"Explain yourself now Merlin."
Arthur orders, shoulders shaking as he attempts to control his anger.
"Arthur?"
Merlin questions, which he soon regrets.
"What on earth do you mean 'ArThUr"? Look at me Merlin, LOOK AT ME!!!!"

Merlin studies the man, eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Oh."
"Yes 'Oh' Indeed Merlin, this has you written all over it. FIX ME NOW!"
Merlin bursts out into desperate laughter, hand clutching his chest as he struggles to breathe.
"This isn't a laughing matter Merlin."
Arthur hissed but Merlin breaks down all again.
"I didn't do this Arthur."
Merlin slaps the King on the arm, the biggest grin plastered on his face.
"You shall reside in the stocks today Merlin."
Merlin simply turns out the room, walking towards the stocks as his laugh still echos around the foundations.

Arthur glares in his mirror at the bald head he had acquired over breakfast. He pet the now smooth surface with a scowl on his face and tears in his eyes.
"My hair.."
He whispered glumly to himself.
"Fucking warlock."
He flips off his servant from out the window before promptly kicking his chambers pot and stubbing his toe against his bed.
"MERLIN!"

                                   ~~~~~~~~~

Merlin slips next to Gwaine behind the bar, his hair still damp from washing out all the vegetables of the day.
"Merlin."
Gwaine nods to him, raising his hand to gesture a tankard of mead to the boy.
"Gwaine."
Merlin nods back, taking deep gulps of his mead.
"Surprised to see you here Merlin."
Gwaine speaks, Merlin is shocked at the suggestion.
"What? Why? We always drink together in the evenings."
Gwaine just chuckles deeply.
"We do my friend, we do."
Merlin studies the stains on the bar, fingers tracing the patterns in the wood.
"I don't get what i've done wrong now."
He mutters, Gwaine still won't look at him.
"Now Merlin, you know me, i'm all for a joke but did you really have to go this far?"
Merlins eyes widened as he scanned his memory for what he did.
"I don't know what you're on about Gwaine."
He replies honestly, it was then that the drunk turned to him, Merlin almost fell of his chair in fright.
"YOUR EYEBROWS!"
He yells out in horror.
"Yes Merlin, my eyebrows."
Gwaine takes a deep breath,
"WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM? I WANT THEM BACK!"
Merlin just holds his mouth open in shock, what on earth would he want with a man's eyebrows. His mouth remains open as he watches Gwaine stumble out.
"Bloody magic."
The man huffs as he slams the tavern door shut.

                                   ~~~~~~~~

Lancelot was in the training fields sparring against Gwaine, who's eyebrows were still stolen. His sword clashed fiercely against Gwaines, one strike, two strikes, three strikes and Gwaine found himself pinned on the floor with the point of the sword to his neck. He raised his hands in surrender and Lancelot bent down to pick him up, it was then that he heard the rip.

The unmistakable sound of his trousers tearing down the middle. He grasps at the fabric and spins to around, eyes to the bank. They fell upon Merlins confused expression and his hands balled into fists.

"MERLIN!"
He wails.
"WHY ON BLOODY EARTH DID YOU GO AND DO THAT!?"
Merlin just blinks blankly back.
"IF YOU WANTED TO SEE MY ARSE YOU COULDVE JUST ASKED, YOU DIDNT HAVE TO SHOW THE ENTIRTY OF CAMELOT."
Merlin just raises his arms in complete disbelief.
"IT WASNT ME, DONT BE SUCH AN ARSELOT."
Lancelot rose his fingers to his eyes and shot them back at Merlin, a friendly warning.
He began his treck back to his chambers with his cape wrapped around him like a skirt.
"Merlin fucking Emrys."
He curses up the sky.