MERLIN / MERTHUR ONESHOTS

Eat

BLOODY MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!
EATING DISORDER

It's not that i won't eat , it's that i can't.

If i eat i'll get fat and if i'm fat nobody will like me ; i can't be alone , not again - so for them i will be perfect.

**********

Arthur's having a feast , yet again he offers for me to sit with him for it -
"You're not just my servant Merlin , you're my best friend - you should be sat with us."
Still i decline.

After all , it would look rather odd for me to be sat there and not eat. Arthur looks at me , he seems concerned but still he doesn't act on it.
"Arthur don't worry about it , i'll still be there if you need me to chew for you."
That cracks a smile from him , i like that ; i don't like people being distressed because of me.
"Okay Merlin , i suppose that'll have to do . Here dress me and i have an outfit for you too."

An outfit for me? I doubt that'll fit , especially if they're Arthur's clothes - i am way bigger than him.
I pick up his feasting outfit and help him change into it , at least i can change myself - the one good quality i have over the King.

"Thank you Merlin , now go put yours on . It may be too big , if so i'll find smaller ones."
Why would they be too big? If anything they look too small for me .
I go behind his changing screen , unlike Arthur i don't like parading my body around.

"Merlin why on earth are you behind there?" He asks .
"I am changing Arthur , like you asked?" I reply, i was positive that this is what he asked of me.
"Well yes i know that Merlin but why are you hiding , i've seen you shirtless before . Am i to think you're hiding something?"

I cough a little , choking on the air ; i wasn't expecting that as reply.
"Well yes Arthur i suppose i am hiding something."
I pop my head out the corner to see his face , he's just stood there smiling with his hands on his hips.
"And what would that be Merlin?"
I grin at him,
"Why my body Arthur , what else?"
"Your magic maybe?"

My what? How the hell does he know that? I back away to the wall , stumbling into it ; the impact making me fall.
"Hey Merlin it's okay, i've known for years . You're fine , i'm not angry ; i couldn't be angry , not with you."

I could feel him advance , my panic from the magic exposure had declined but the thought of him seeing my undressed as i am makes me feel nauseous.

"Stay back Arthur , please."
He looks hurt,
"Merlin , god i'm not going to hurt you ."
He continues to walk towards me, i crawl backwards but hit the corner . There's nowhere to go , i'm trapped . Caged like a rabid animal waiting to be put down.
"I know you're not , i trust you . But please i don't want you to see me like this ."

He ignores my pleads , now only a corner away from seeing me. He pulls the sheet i covered myself with off . He gasps . Oh my god , he thinks i'm disgusting, he hates me , i'm fat , he thinks i'm vile.

"My god Merlin , what have you done?"
I look up at him , teary eyes , i was confused.
"What do you mean Arthur ? I haven't done anything."
I slowly stood up so that i now didn't feel so defenceless and so weak , only now my body was fully on show ; and Arthur just couldn't stop staring.

I threw a nearing tunic at his face , an attempt to avert his eyes.
"Arthur please stop staring , i know that i'm fat okay? I know . So please will you stop making such a big deal of it."
Arthur's mouth drops agape , one hand moves to cover it and the other reaches out towards me - to that i shrink away.

"Fat, Merlin? You are not fat . My god you are too skinny , how are you not dead?"
Skinny ? No he is mistaken , i am not skinny - i am fat , i am disgusting.
He grabs my shoulders but i'm too weak with fear to resist , i feel myself get dragged to a new location within his room ; my eyes glued shut so i can't see his face.