Again | DreamNotFound

First day of preschool

Chapter 9

Sapnap ran into the house, going straight to the living room where he found Dream, sitting still and staring at the blank TV.

"Dream?" He said cautiously, slowly approaching him. Karl quickly joined him.

"How'd it go?" Karl asked, as they both walked in front of Dream who didn't look at them in the eyes.

"Fine." Dream said simply.

"George told you everything?" Sapnap sat on the footrest in front of Dream, and Karl sat beside Dream.

"Mm-hm."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Karl asked carefully.

"What's there to talk about?" Dream laughed, looking at his feet. "I fucked up four years ago. Nothing new."

"Dream, what happened wasn't your fault." Sapnap said with a frown.

"Wasn't it?" Dream tensed his jaw. "I didn't help George, didn't see he wasn't doing ok. I was only thinking about myself and my future, planning ours without listening to George. I proposed to him and he was forced into a decision."

"You didn't know." Karl said softly.

"Because I made him feel like he couldn't tell me about the baby. He thought I'd hate him. He thought I'd cast him aside. How could he not know how much I loved him? What I would have done for him."

"George told us it went ok and you forgave him." Sapnap said, looking at Dream. He wasn't expecting to come home to this.

"Of course I forgive him." Dream muttered.

"You just don't forgive yourself." Karl realised, glancing at Sapnap.

"Dream, you never did anything with malicious intent. You just wanted to marry the boy you loved, there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe it caused you to miss some signs but you weren't looking for them, George never gave you any reason to. And him thinking you'd hate him? That's George's overthinking, that has nothing to do with you." Sapnap said.

"He said he did want me." Dream's voice broke slightly and he cleared his throat. "He said his dream was to have both me and Alana."

"See? He loved you so much too. You were never unwanted." Karl said, trying to smile.

"And I made him freak out, and he had to choose one. I lost him and I have no one to blame but myself. Whatever these four years could have been... it doesn't matter because it's my fault."

"Dream. Look at me. Listen." Sapnap waited until Dream's eyes were on his, slightly watery. "I know it's easy to think about what could have been, but it's too late. What's done is done. Maybe you made some mistakes. Maybe George made some bigger ones. It's been four years, and you've both realised what happened. You're older. You're more mature. Maybe it wasn't meant to be back then. But whatever happens now, you have all the information. You can make decisions without bias. If you want, you can be in George's life. Maybe it won't be the same as before, but you once told me you don't care what you and George are, you just need to be in his life."

"Sap-"

"So if you have forgiven George for what he did four years ago, then you have to forgive yourself too. Because you both made mistakes back then but have changed a lot since. If you forgive him, then you have to forgive yourself too." Sapnap finished.

Dream swallowed, and looked at Karl who was nodding.

"How do I forgive myself?" He looked back at Sapnap. "I keep thinking back and reliving every part of our relationship and seeing things now that I should have then. How unhappy George was, how he wasn't ready. How can I forgive myself for that?"