Midnight Coffee (Solangelo AU)

Don't Cry

I didn't know what to say to her. Had she broken up with Jason because she was gay? Had she ever even liked him to begin with? "Nico?" I snapped out of it when she spoke and realized why was actually there. She didn't have anyone else to talk to about this.

"You should go sit. I'll be there in a second don't worry." She nodded and walked to a booth near the back. I put the towel that was over my shoulder back where I'd gotten it from and composed myself. As much as I'd like to, I can't grill her on Jason, at least not currently, that'd just be rude.

After a couple of minutes, I went and sat across from her as she drilled a hole in the lid of her coffee with just her stare. "I'm not good at this." I wanted to be straightforward with her.

I hardly had a grasp on my own emotions, I hated physical touch from pretty much anyone that wasn't family, and I'm not one to open up to people. "Neither am I. Just... how did you know? I mean have you always known? Did someone make you realize?" I just shrugged a bit.

Again, I'm not one to share but I can't just leave her dangling on the edge like this. "Well I mean, I never even let myself think about it until I fell for a guy. And then things that had happened my whole life started making sense, and I was just really young. I mean I was only 13 when I met Percy." I froze as I realized I overshared

This is why I don't start sharing, to begin with, 'cause when I start I can't stop. One of her eyebrows quirked up and a small smile played on her face. Probably her first smile in a few days. "Percy was the guy that made you realize that you're... well-"

"You can say gay. It's not a dirty word Piper." She looked a little sheepish now and took a drink of her coffee.

"I know that. I just wasn't sure if you were only into guys or if you liked girls and guys or... I just didn't know. But really Percy?" I hit my hand against the table and shook my head slightly.

"You already knew I used to like him. What are you so surprised for?"

"Well I just didn't realize he was the first is all." I sighed again and rolled my eyes.

Just because it takes me a little under a decade to get over a guy doesn't mean I should be made fun of for it. Ok, I see the irony there. "You know you can always just leave."

She just laughed a bit and she was the one to shake her head this time. "No, I'm good thanks." I had two burning questions that were hard to ignore and they may be rude to ask but, I have no self-control.

"So, why now? I mean, like is this the first time you've ever wondered about your sexuality?" She looked down and nodded a little.

"It is yeah. I mean in elementary school middle school and even high school, I didn't see a lot of queer people in my real life. And if I did it was never people I was close with you know? And then I got to college and I met Jason and we just went so well together." I doubt she realized it but she started playing with his jacket when she mentioned him. They did seem pretty perfect together.

"I mean at college there are a lot more openly queer people but I just got so comfy with him and I really care about him. Then you came out to everyone and they reacted so positively... gay people weren't just there in the background anymore if that makes sense. We're friends, and I couldn't just act like your existence didn't affect me."

I felt myself push back in my chair a bit. We had very different experiences with this stuff and the way she talked about it made me feel... for lack of better words uncomfortable. "Piper, have you ever thought about how shitty that is?"

She slumped back in her seat and nodded bringing her legs up to her chest. "I know. I mean not acknowledging an entire group of people just because it didn't affect me is an awful thing and I mean... look at me. I'm already ignored and criticized for existing and I just," I saw that tears were forming in her eyes. "I didn't want to deal with it."

Now I really didn't know what to do. I just made her cry in the middle of a coffee shop. "Oh no, ok don't cry. Clearly, you feel bad about it and there's nothing you can do now but change how you go forward with it. So you're fine just be better in the future... and please don't cry because I don't know how to help with that."

I heard her laugh though it was muffled and she wiped her eyes. "Sorry. All I've been doing these past few days is crying. You think I'd be out of tears by now." She put her legs back down and finished her coffee. "So, how can I know?"

That was the million-dollar question that everyone wanted to know. "There's no one answer. You could experiment, though I wouldn't recommend it. You could just take time to yourself to figure it out, try different labels until you find the right one, or fall for a straight girl and build from there." She smiled at that one a little. "Really everyone is different so I can't give you a cure-all McLean."

She just nodded and finished her coffee standing up. "Thanks, Nico. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this."

I got up and rolled my eyes placing my hands in my pockets. "I wasn't going to." She nodded and left. I didn't even get to ask her my other question, but that can wait for another day.

Once she was gone I went back to the counter and just prayed that I wouldn't be thrown any more curve balls tonight and thank goodness I wasn't. I got to go home at 6:18 and I even finished a couple of assignments that had been looming over me. But once I was done with those I slept, it wasn't peaceful or consistent but it was something. 

Hey guys gals and non-binary pals!

Sense Piper McLean doesn't have a confirmed sexuality other than 'queer' I won't be giving her an official label either

And some people actively choose to go without labels and that's perfectly fine, they're still valid

Also, most of Piper's story about being queer in this chapter is of my own making because we didn't get to see much of that journey but we did get to see the fact that she dealt with internalized homophobia and a loss of identity so I tried to include those elements. Let me know how you think I did. 

Have a great day/night!