The Wildness Within

What You Need, Not What You Want 1

Everything had almost returned to normal, except that Gwyn felt uncomfortable in his very skin. He ate on his own. He hardly spoke. He watched Augus to find out when the punishment would be and hated that Augus insisted that Gwyn needed to be well for it.

He tried not to think about his cousin and the Bird King and failed, remembering the tangy-pain in his chest when the Bird King's spell hit him as he'd leaped in front of it. Remembering the fear on his cousin's face. The hypnotic tones of the Bird King's voice making it so that Gwyn couldn't see his cousin in his final moments.

Ash left soon after Gwyn returned, claiming he needed to hunt. He stretched his arms open for a hug, and Gwyn shook his head and turned away and didn't like the way Augus had quietly talked to Ash after that and Gwyn hadn't been able to hear what they were saying.

He didn't want them to touch him and comfort him. He'd done the wrong thing.

It was afternoon, the day after Ash had left. All of Gwyn's wounds had healed; faster than usual, with Augus doctoring him. Gwyn stood awkwardly in the lounge, trying to think of what to do. He rubbed at the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair. It was cleaned now, unknotted, but he pushed his fingers through and tugged and felt a pain at the bottom of his skull and tugged again.

A snap of something heavy made him jolt so hard that he rose to his tiptoes. He looked over and Augus' book was now closed on his lap, his eyes were narrowed, his gaze direct. Gwyn's heartbeat rose until he felt nauseated, thundering through his chest. He tried to swallow the coldness in his throat.

Now, he's going to do it now.

'Come on,' Augus said, putting the book down. 'Now's as good a time as any.'

Gwyn followed Augus down the corridor, wondering why he'd ever insisted that he needed the punishment in the first place, dread a miasma that choked his ability to speak.

*

Twenty minutes later he was naked in the room that had the cross and all of Augus' tools of torture in it. He stood quietly, his hands folded in front of him. The door was closed, the room was silent. Augus was breathing quietly, and Gwyn was trying not to breathe at all.

When Augus stalked towards him, Gwyn winced. Then, Augus began to walk around him, holding a power around himself that felt cold and intimidating.

'Let's be very clear,' Augus said as he circled Gwyn. 'Why am I punishing you?'

'Because I left,' Gwyn said, wanting to follow Augus' movements. He winced when Augus paused behind his back. Would Augus whip him? Was that what was going to happen? He gasped when he felt a fingertip press between his shoulder blades, the sharp edge of a claw.

'No,' Augus said. 'Try again.'

Gwyn blinked in confusion. Why was he being punished? The claw pressed harder and Gwyn swallowed. He knew that technically he could just step forward, move away from that touch that edged towards pain. Yet his feet felt as though they'd been anchored to the ground.

'I...did something wrong?' Gwyn said, feeling like he was flailing.

By now, his family would have happily supplied him with all of his shortcomings. Gwyn didn't know where to start.

'No,' Augus said, keeping up that pressure, Gwyn's attention fully captured now. 'I'm punishing you because you asked me to. Because you told me that you need it. Because your behaviours since returning have changed enough that I trust that to be true. Do you still need it?'

Gwyn stared ahead, his breath shaking in his chest.

I'm punishing you because you asked me to.