The Wildness Within

Consumed 1

Augus spent a week completely on his own, and it was wonderful. He missed Ash and Gwyn increasingly, but not enough to want to change the situation. He lounged when he wanted to. He did the things he wanted to do. He looked forward to clients with enthusiasm, even though he was uncertain about when he'd be able to see them again next, knowing his space was not yet safe and secure for them.

So when Ash and Gwyn turned up on his doorstep on a Tuesday morning, Augus knew he'd have to talk to them about the situation. What he didn't expect – and possibly should have – was Ash saying:

'Right, first things first, we need to make sure you can keep having the space you need going into the future, so that you don't have to throw a tantrum to get it.'

That had trailed into a conversation which was mostly Ash talking about how he and Gwyn needed to move out, for perhaps half a month each month, until they figured out a better way of doing things.

Augus knew Ash meant it – after all, he only ever visited once a month and usually only for a weekend in the past. Sometimes two or three months could even go by if they both got caught up in their lives. But Augus found it hard to gauge Gwyn's reaction to what Ash was saying. Was he taking it personally? Feeling it as a rejection? Gwyn just stood silently and watched Ash as he spoke, occasionally glancing at Augus and then looking back at Ash quickly, like he couldn't bear to look at him for too long. His hands were clasped together in front of himself. He was anxious.

But that anxiety could have been caused by anything.

'Now, since I already have a home to go back to – and Gwyn's welcome to come with me of course – I think it's you two who need to decide what you're going to do here. So I'm going to leave you both to it and go play my DS. I vote not having salad for dinner, just saying.'

With that, Ash disappeared down the corridor to his room, leaving Augus and Gwyn in the lounge. Gwyn still grasped at his hands, then his wrists, and Augus frowned at the behaviour and then held up a hand.

'Wait there one moment,' he said.

He fetched the cuffs – Gwyn had put them back where he'd found them before he ran away – and came back. The look of relief on Gwyn's face made him frown. Perhaps he shouldn't have sent them away without giving Gwyn the cuffs at least. Something to tether him back to this space that Augus knew he belonged in. Just not...every second of every day.

Gwyn's fingers trembled as Augus buckled the cuffs in place. Then, Gwyn let himself be led to the couch, sitting and pressing his wrists down into his knees, as though to feel the leather that was wrapped tight around his skin.

'What do you think of Ash's proposed solution?' Augus said, his voice low enough that he knew Ash wouldn't be able to easily eavesdrop.

'I don't know,' Gwyn said. 'I don't know what...I can do. I don't want to make you upset again.'

Augus leaned back against the couch and shrugged.

'It is in my nature,' Augus said, 'to need space alone. Honestly I don't know how Ash manages it. I think you're actually a bit more like me, in that regard. You liked your solitude in the forest sometimes, didn't you?'

Gwyn nodded, looking down at the cuffs. When he looked up at Augus again, worry imprinted across his face.

'If you want me to move away or stay in the forest from now on...you can...tell me.'

'I can,' Augus said. 'And I would. If that's what I wanted. What I actually want is for you to live with me sometimes and otherwise in sight of the lake if possible. Amongst those trees near the clearing. So that I know you're close by, and safe. So that when I need my week or two weeks or even a month to myself, you can see the lake and know that I asked you to live by it, not away from it.'

Gwyn's breath shook in his throat, and he looked down at where Augus had slid his fingers to cup Gwyn's hands.

'Would you be upset if I kept taking on clients?' Augus said.

Most fae weren't monogamous, but every now and then one might be obsessed with the idea of having a fae partner entirely for themselves. He wasn't sure which category Gwyn fit into.

'Why would that upset me?' Gwyn said, looking up. 'Does it upset you?'

'No,' Augus said, lips quirking. Perhaps jealousy would be an emotion Gwyn felt entitled to in the future, but they could deal with it if it ever happened. Augus already knew it would be easy to defend. Despite the strong feelings he could evoke in himself on behalf of his clients, they could disappear just as quickly, especially after a job well done. More than that – exercising his dominance in that way kept him healthy, and Gwyn needed healthy people around him.

'A house,' Gwyn said. 'Do I build it? I don't know how to build a house. I could...try. But I don't-'

'If it feels right enough, you may be able to use your power to make it. Every fae can build a home for themselves in the right place. Do you think I assembled the stones and tiles you see around you? No. I suppose your parents wouldn't have told you. Talk to the King about it, and he'll help you see what I mean. Otherwise, I think a simple cabin would be easy enough to organise. I have some funds, some contacts.'

'I don't even need a house,' Gwyn said, like he was confessing. 'I can sleep on the forest floor. I've done it all my life. Almost all my life.'

'I know,' Augus said. 'But I'd prefer you had the option of a regular bed to return to in the future. Are you amenable? Will you stay? You don't have to, you realise. The Raven Prince would have you live in his palace, and the accommodations would be quite-'

'No,' Gwyn said, shaking his head, turning his hands and grasping Augus' fingers. 'Don't make me go live with him.'

'I'm trying to give you options,' Augus said, smiling at him. 'Are you not upset that you can't live here constantly?'

Gwyn shook his head, shrugged. 'You always said...you said from the beginning that it was too much. And I do not like living under a roof all the time. In a lake. Under so much water.'

Augus laughed softly, marvelled at how well Gwyn was taking things. He had the sneaking suspicion that perhaps he hadn't initially taken things well at all, but Ash was obviously adept at helping Gwyn through whatever was happening in his mind, and that gave him hope too. It didn't all have to rest on his shoulders, he didn't have to micromanage every moment to stop it from crashing down around him.

'Ash says...that I'm family,' Gwyn said quietly. 'Is he lying?'

'No,' Augus said, squeezing Gwyn's hands. 'It's a good way of looking at it. For us. But we think of family in a different way to you, I'm sure.'

'You think of it in a nice way,' Gwyn said. 'Why would he let me be part of that? Isn't it...isn't what you both have too special for me- I-I just mean, wouldn't you rather-'

'Ash said something to me a little while back,' Augus said quietly, risking pressing his palm up to Gwyn's cheek, even though he startled at the contact. 'He said that I didn't want my life to stay the same, even though I was happy and thought I was content. I think he's right. I was ready for things to expand outwards. I didn't know how, and let's be honest, I didn't expect you, but- As bone-headed as he can be at the best of times, he possesses a modicum of wisdom that lets him see the truth in things before I can. Sometimes families expand, Gwyn. It's normal.'

'But it scares you,' Gwyn said.

'Yes,' Augus said, dropping his hand from Gwyn's cheek and sighing as he leaned against the couch and got more comfortable. 'But all of this has scared you too. Do you think it's not worth it, just because you're scared?'

It was quite satisfying – Augus thought – to see the realisation skate across Gwyn's face. The way his eyebrows lifted just so, the way he blinked as his eyes opened wide.

'Oh,' Gwyn said quietly.

Augus thought that of all the outcomes he'd imagined when he saw Ash and Gwyn again after kicking them out, this unexpected one was his favourite.

*

AN: More in a couple of days! Thanks to the folks who are reading/voting, you're amazing :D