Dream // Van McCann

10. Doll

There was a lot on my mind on the bus ride home. The amount of stuff I had to keep track of was getting out of hand. I still need to call Matilde but I reckon I'll do that tomorrow as she's most likely asleep by now. Florence and I need to discuss how we'll go about visiting her family, and I'm still waiting to hear back from Roman and Clara. Not to mention how I still need to decide if I'm going to the birthday dinner this Saturday.

It was times like this where I wish I could drop all my responsibilities and focus on finding Clara. The urge to look for flights to Portugal was strong but I wasn't ready to fly there just yet. There were still so many unknowns that I had to figure out before going there. I was so lost in my own head that I nearly missed my bus stop. Luckily someone else was getting off so I got up and scrambled off the bus. My flat is only a few blocks away so I took out a ciggy and stuck it in my mouth, lighting the end. It felt good to have a moment to myself before heading up to face Florence again.

When I came home, it was oddly quiet. Florence usually has the music playing when cooking but there was no music today. She turned when she saw me and gave me a quick smile saying dinner was just about ready. I took the opportunity to unpack my stuff and got ready. It wasn't until we had a few bites that I started asking her questions.

"How did your sister find you?" I asked. She's managed to evade them for 10 years and now her sister's finally found her.

"I was at happy hour with my coworkers last week and she recognized me. It turns out she's been looking for me since December. Started asking around for me and managed to narrow down her search. It was just by chance she saw me and I'm surprised she still recognizes me!" It baffled me that she kept this from me since last week. I didn't really notice anything...just that she didn't want to go under her dream.

"What did she say?" I continued, curious how their encounter went.

"I was too shocked to run away. I'm surprised I even remember what she said because all I could think about was 'how did she find me?' But she told me that mom was very sick and that she wanted to see me one last time before she passed. Didn't say much beyond that. She gave me her phone and address telling me to reach out. I've not reached out since because I don't know what to do."

"And she let you walk away just like that? I'm surprised she didn't drag you to the hospital right then and there." Florence opened her mouth and closed it.

"It was more my parents that I had a problem with. My sister didn't do anything but she listened to them and they would always praise her for being the better daughter. I think she felt guilty because it was never her intention to be better than me.

"She just didn't want to come on too strong and scare me off. She very much respects my decision to leave but thought I'd like to know what's happening with mom so I could say goodbye if I wanted to."

"Do you want to see your mum?"

Florence sighed. "I do, but if she hasn't changed at all, I don't want to go through hell again."

"Why don't you call your sister and ask if she's changed." I could see the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

"You know what? That's a good idea. I'll do that."

-

Friday

No one was in when I arrived at work. I'd call Matilde first thing in the morning but I had some work to do. Although the day was just starting for me, I was very aware of the time difference and how it was almost time for dinner in Portugal.

I've been neglecting the search for a new apartment and wanted to call a couple places to see if I could schedule a viewing this weekend. The weekend kept getting busier. Florence reminded me this morning about her friend's birthday dinner on Saturday and I caved, saying I'd go. She was happy I said yes even though every part of me was dreading that night. I looked up the phone for an apartment complex Bondy's girlfriend previously stayed in before she moved in with Bondy. According to Bondy, it was in a nice area and a reasonable distance from work. It was a little further away but that meant rent was slightly cheaper and the space was slightly bigger. I dialed their number and waited for someone to pick up.