Dream // Van McCann

27. Stronger Than You Think

The days in Lagos were winding down until there was only one day left which was our busiest day as we had to take the train back to Lisbon in the afternoon. Yesterday, we had lunch with Matilde to say goodbye and to update her on the situation, though there wasn't much of an update to give. She was hopeful saying she'd be in touch if anything happened. We've done what we can. The rest is up to Clara. I did, however, intend to stop by one last time to talk to her. We haven't seen each other since the dinner.

I was proud of Florence for giving advice to Clara. Our discussion that night made me realize I can only do so much for her. I need to focus on myself and my own relationship so I've been hands-off enjoying my time with Florence.

When the day to leave for Lisbon rolled around, I had a moment of panic and told Florence I wanted to stop by one last time to say goodbye. She understood and said she'd get packing and maybe buy some souvenirs if she had time. The only thing unfortunate with my timing was that Mia was still in school so I wouldn't be able to say goodbye but I got her a gift for all her help.

The driver dropped me off and drove off, leaving me alone. The neighborhood was quiet which made me uncomfortable so I quickly made my way towards her front door. It doesn't matter that I've been here over a week; I still feel like I have no business here. I knocked on her door and waited. There was complete silence on the other end.

"Clara, it's me. Van," I said loudly, knocking again just for good measure. I could hear the lock becoming undone and the door opened. She told me to quickly come in and closed the door.

"Did anyone see you?" she asked and I suddenly felt terrible for forgetting she was hiding. I basically said her name out loud for everyone to hear.

"I don't think so. Sorry about that." It was clear by my tone, I wasn't so sure myself.

"It's okay. I wasn't expecting you. So what brings you here?" Her intense gaze caused me to look down shyly.

"I just wanted to say goodbye and to thank you for having us."

It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop and I wondered if she could hear my heart pounding in my chest. Our time here went by quickly and there's no way I can afford to come back a third time, especially when I'm going home this summer.

"Oh...so soon?" she questioned. You could see she was upset. She crossed her arms and looked at the ground.

"Yeah. We're taking the train back to Lisbon this afternoon."

Clara glanced at the clock and saw it was only two hours until noon. We were saying goodbye again 8 years later and the time doesn't make it any easier. We both knew it would be a while before we saw each other again. I opened my mouth to speak again.

"I'm not going to be by your side all the time but you can do it. I believe in you, just like I always have." How I knew she could learn how to drive a manual transmission, how I knew she'd get the job, and how I knew she'd be a good mother.

"When you tell them the truth, your life is going to change. You're not going to like it but we learn to adapt. All your life, you've dealt with change. Your father moved to a different country every year. You hated it at first but then it turned out alright. This will be the same. You've survived and you'll survive again. But this time, it'll be different. You'll get your life back."

There's no knowing if Clara would ever tell the truth but the fact that she said this isn't the life she wanted gives me hope. She just needs a little push and some encouragement. Clara looked up and I could see she was crying. At first, she tried to hide it from me but then she gave up.

"Oh, c'mere." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in tight for a hug. Her body molded into mine easily and she laid her head on my chest, sobbing. I could smell her floral perfume just like old times which brought back so many memories.