Dream // Van McCann

13. She Knows

We stood there for a moment and my hand went to smooth down her hair. She pulled away and looked at me with her tear-stained face. I used the pad of my thumb to wipe her tears away and left my hand there, cupping her cheek. Everything she said is true. I hate to admit it but I do think about my exes. She's probably right about Clara being upset but what did she expect? For me to wait for her after all these years?

Even if I did see her, I wouldn't rekindle things with her. I've since moved on, though I still love her dearly. To me, she'll always be the Clara I taught how to drive and the one I helped prepare for her interview but that's it. We were young and in love but not a good match for each other. No amount of time can change that.

And what worried me most was how this was coming from Florence herself. For the first time, I'm seeing her being vulnerable and honest about our relationship. She knows Clara may still have feelings for me and is wondering if I'd go back to her. Does she really think I'd go back?

"I've been meaning to tell you she called but things got busy and I forgot. I wasn't trying to hide her from you, I swear," I told her. "I've not changed my number since moving here in the hopes that she'd call someday and on Thursday, she did. I got a call from an unknown number in Portugal when we were both under. I assumed it was her because the area code is from the Lagos area. I called her back and left a voicemail. It's been silence ever since and I didn't think she'd actually call me back but she did.

"I'm not upset if that's what you're thinking. She most likely panicked and hung up but I'm not too worried because it seems like she wants to talk. I've got a feeling she'll call again.

"I want you to know that I love her and care about her, but not in the same way that I do with you. I've since learned on our trip to Portugal that the both of us weren't good for each other and she knows that too. Were you worried we'd get back together or summat?"

She was hesitant to answer which basically answered my question. If she hadn't gone into my dreams, she wouldn't be worried but she has. She's seen a side of me that I hide from most people.

"You just never know," she answered softly. "By the way, she sounds exactly the same." I furrowed my eyebrows and remembered they've talked before in my dream.

"She's got a calming voice, doesn't she? That's the only way to describe it." I'll never admit it but listening to Clara talk always helped me sleep. Sometimes I'd be stressed and just hearing her talk would calm me down. But I'll never tell Florence this.

Florence nodded her head. "Yeah, exactly. So give me your honest opinion...what do you think about my friends?" She was now back to her normal self and less shaken up.

"They're exactly like you."

"Is that a good or bad thing?" she asked, amused by my answer.

"You're my girlfriend. You tell me."

-

We both agreed to go home after dinner, though I wouldn't mind going to the bar after if it came to it. We were both knackered and wanted nothing more than to have an early night in. When we parted ways after dinner, Madelyn promised to have more outings and that Florence was welcome to bring me. I wasn't too sure about that but said yes anyway. The drive home was quiet so I turned on the radio but kept the volume low. Florence looked out the window.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked softly. It was strange seeing her this quiet.

"A lot of things," she sighed, looking at me. "My mom, Clara, the apartment. My sister got back to me and said mom is slightly more accepting. I don't know if it makes me feel better about visiting her but I still want to anyway."