A T A R A X I A~ Sirius, Remus & Regulus Black (not together. Separately)

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒯𝓌𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓎 𝓈𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 - 𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔

He's ignoring me. 

As I am ignoring him.

Well, the thing is that we still talk, we still laugh but that's when James and Peter are around. When it's just us . . . it's like nothing ever happened. Remus smiles as he did before, yet it's missing something. Something I can't quite put my finger on yet. There's are part inside me that radiates a sort of desperation - a need - to fix it. But I can't. This is how it is meant to be. I'm just the family fuck-up. 

That's my story. 

Arabella's POV

Pitch-black darkness overwhelmed my sight. It felt as if my eyes were glued shut and all that surrounded me was fear.
"Bella,"  a male voice hissed. 
"Who's there?! Come out!" I scream, "show your god-damned face already!"
"Oh, I can't do that. At least not yet, not till you're ready." A soft green light, the size of a human steps from the pits of darkness and into my vision. It steps closer, bringing to attention the water surrounding our feet.
"What do you want?" I whisper, my voice shaky with fear. "To hurt me?"
"Quite the opposite dear, I want to help you." The light now stands a step away from my face yet I can not make out a face, it's just a blinding green light. 
"A war is upon us,"  the light brushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear, causing me to draw in a sharp breath at the sudden contact. "When it approaches you must choose your side and what you must do to win and I can help you."
"What's that supposed to mean? How can you help." The light takes a step back.
"I cannot speak of this through my psychological form. You must find out for yourself. Search for answers in the rooms of the deep, hidden in history." The light retreats further into the darkness.
"Wait! What the fuck does that even mean? Hey, don't leave! We're not finished!"
"Goodbye for now, Bella." Darkness consumes me once again.

"Bell-."
"Bella-"
"Arabella!" I gasp, feeling as if I've swam to the surface after being held underwater. My head whips every which way before finally focusing on the four boys standing around me, worry and fear written on their faces.
"What just happened?" Lucius whispers.
"Your eyes were white Belle," Evan informs me. I feel nauseous from the overwhelming anxiety of this all. I feel as though everything hits me once again. My mum and dad are gone, my brother, my friends, my old life. It's all gone. A tear rolls down my cheek, hitting the tiles beneath me. Another falls after that. Then another. My head falls inwards, my chin touching my chest, my arms hopelessly lying in front of me. One second I'm cold from head to toe as if I had fallen into the Artic and been left to float there. Then the next, I'm surrounded by warmth. Regulus takes hold of my left hand, intertwining our fingers and squeezing. Lucius and Severus seat themselves to my right, Severus squeezing my hand while Lucius places his head on the nape of my neck. Evan places himself in my lap, resting his head on my thigh as his hands snake around my leg, holding onto me as a baby koala holds onto its mother. 
We remain like this for seconds, minutes, and hours. 

Sirius' POV

I get a howler the next day from my mother. Nothing unusual but it still hit harder than most. Like every letter she sends me, I wait for the dorm to be completely empty before I open it, this way no one can pity me. Pity the Black family fuck-up.
Everything blurs into one from the moment the letter unfolds. My fingers grip the whiskey to my side, aching to just down the bottle.
"You're a waste of a human!"
"We should've killed you the moment we knew we were having you!"
"You deserve every terrible thing that comes your way!"
"You're a disgrace!"
"Filth!"
Over and over again the words of my mother and father spit from the floating letter, and each time I feel more and more as if these words are true.

______

A month has passed since I had sex with Remus and I feel as if someone has dug a hole in my stomach. Every breakfast, every lunch, every dinner, I sit across him, observing him when he doesn't know I'm looking. I've begun to notice so many small features that I had never recognized before. Like the way he for everyone else to begin their meal before he eats. The way he folds his bloody socks into his drawer every morning. The way he twirls his hair when he's tired or concentrated. The freckles on the bridge of his nose that light up like a constellation. 

I can't explain this need to know everything. Know the books he loves to read or the food he hates. I can't explain this feeling.

We're just friends. That's all that it is. I just want to know more about my friend, right?

_______

The Quidditch stands are flooded with students as the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw match commences. Screams and shouts radiate from all around. Hufflepuff is in the lead by two points but Ravenclaw isn't far behind. Peter sits at the end of the bench, munching on a bar of chocolate that Moony so graciously gave him, next to him is a squealing James. 
"COME ON RAVENCLAW! YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE BADASSES! NO OFFENSE HUFFLEPUFF! GET IT, GET IT! NO! YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY MCLAGGEN!"
"Mr. Potter, that is enough!"
"Sorry, Minnie! Team spirit and all!"
And then next to James sits Remus, cuddled up into his grey scarf and all focus zeroed in on the book in front of him. Then there's me. Itching all over and jittery from the proximity of Remus and I. Just focus on the game, focus on the game, you're fine, ignore him, ignore his cinnamon smell, and cute red nose, fuck sake Sirius, just ignore him- 
"Are you cold?" I jump in my seat, startled by the deep voice of the boy next to me. I turn to face him, his deep chocolate eyes connecting with my own grey ones. If you look close enough you can see the specks of gold that peak through the brown.
"Sirius?"
"Huh?" He asked you a question dumbass! "Oh! Right, yeah just a little. I'm fine though, really."
Without a second thought, Remus unwraps the scarf from around his neck and moves closer to me, wrapping the scarf around my neck instead. Remus tucks the end of the scarf into itself, before removing his hand and grazing my cheek in the process. It wasn't a lingering touch but it was enough for the overwhelming reminder of our intimate night together to come flooding back into my mind all at once, and I can tell it hits him too. The rest of the world goes silent as the reminder of that night replays in my head. The taste of his lips, his naked skin on mine, the feeling of him inside me, the feeling of him. Remus' eyes drop to my lips as I lick them. His fingers graze down my arm then my waist then my thigh. y breaths come quicker, my heart feels as if it's going to pound out of my chest. What is wrong with me?!
Remus leans in closer till his lips touch my ear.
His breath tickles my cheek and I'm instantly overcome by goosebumps.
"You better shut your mouth, don't want to start catching flies in there do you?" My jaw slams shut so hard that I'm certain that I broke a few teeth. A winning grin is planted across Remus' face as he moves back to his book that sits on his lap. 
Curse you, Merlin.

_______

Regulus' POV

Reminisants of last night's nightmare flood my vision as I lay against the head of the bed, too scared to fall asleep. A bottle of fire whiskey is held tightly against my chest.
"Mother, who is this?" 
"This man is going to help you become a perfect son so just be a good boy and do as you're told."
I feel as though from the moment I met this man he became an instant blurred figure, a man with no face. Some part of me that day knew exactly what was going to happen. But the worst part was that when it did, I had no one to scream out to. Everyone is gone and no one is coming to help.